Starting an episode of Winners and Losers off with vodka shots can only lead to good things like icky sexual tension between Flynn (Tom Hobbs) and Sam (Katherine Hicks), a badly dressed random (Savers shopper anyone?) playing sexy eyes at Sophie (Melanie Vellejo) and Jen (Melissa Bergland) happily expressing just how much sex she’s having with her man-child fling.

So what happened to our favorite winners last night?

Frances/Zach/Jasmine/Jonathan: Frances (Virginia Gay) is beginning to find herself on the wrong end of a rather cranky Zach (Stephen Phillips).  Either Zach is on a rager of a heavy flow or his mood swings resulting from his stroke are really starting to kick in. Jonathan (Damien Bodie) finally tells Frances that back in the hospital, Zach went (for the better use of the word)  mental while Jonathan was throwing purses out of his mouth.  it’s here Jonathan comes up with the bright plan to include someone else into this really bad mix of injuries and mental anguish.

Frances decides to rope Doug (Tom Wren) into trying to get Zach to open up about his feelings post stroke, but he does so using beer and the offer of being his best man at his wedding.  Personally, I’d have brought a wheel of Brie and Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion on DVD to watch but each to their own….

There’s talk of a bucks night (no shaving cream or nudity please) which quickly turns into Doug asking if Zach can use a keyboard. This of course brings on Zach’s Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde persona resulting in Zach taking a fall and yeah….there was wee.

cue awkward pause

Zach finally explodes, literally blaming Frances for everything that’s happened to him.  Granted, Frances was the one who brought Shannon into the fold, but last time I checked, Shannon was the one stuffing an unconscious Zach into the boot of his car….case of misguided anger I’m guessing.

This anger continues on including an uncalled for verbal spray at Jasmine (PiaGrace Moon) before Frances and Zach have a decent heart to heart but we all can tell that Frances wants to get the heck out of there and go drinking with her friends.  Who’d blame her?

Flynn/Sophie/Sam:  Flynn and Sam have decided that to avoid the weird tension hanging thick in the air between them, they decide to go back to being friends – but the kind that eye each other off and get jealous when the other shows interest in someone else.  I would say to them “just get a room already” but..they’ve been there, done that.

Random shirt and tie guy tried his luck with Sophie, he’s got a cracker of a pick up line, “Excuse me, you wouldn’t happen to have any raisins?  No?  How about a date?”  How did she not throw him down on that table right then and there?

The two people struggling with their own romantic issues with each other (Flynn and Sam), offer sad and single Sophie some dating advice which was basically them calling her a frosty bitch who glares at everyone around her.  To prove she’s not a frosty bitch, Sophie decides to break out the iPad and download Tinder.  Well Winners and Losers version of Tinder.  This version allows her to list ten attributes she wants in a guy to which, after an hour of thinking, she only come up with two.   “Not ugly” and “Not stupid”.  I guess while she may be a frosty bitch, one could never claim Sophie to be a picky bitch….

So it’s been hours and Soph is still trawling the internet for men, Sam can’t decide what to have for dinner and Flynn wants to go out to a nice bar with some decent food and find some hot guys….ummm Flynn, I have a stocked wine rack, can cook a mean roast and well…I ain’t ugly looking….

Turns out, Flynn was talking about hot guys for Sophie.  Bugger. Sam takes this as an opportunity to get her girls out and pick out rather greasy looking guys for Soph to smile at.  Let’s face it, Sam is from the bush and has turned down Flynn…I don’t think she’s the best choice for boyfriend picking….

The night out turns a bit disastrous when the male version of Kelly from My Kitchen Rules begins hitting on Sam and her girls talking about his worldly travels to exotic locations.  Flynn is being attacked by a group of horny women on a hens night and Sophie picks up a DJ.  Yes, a DJ.  I wonder where bad pick-up line guy is….

Anyways, Sam and Flynn decide they can’t be friends without all the tension and decide avoiding each other is the wisest decision.  I guess getting all that inner rage out with a round of bed hopping is out of the question.

Bec/Ryan (Psych Doc guy):  Oh there’s Bec (Zoe Tuckwell-Smith), I think she was at the bar in the beginning…anyways she’s talking to Jasmine (PiaGrace Moon) about the school councilor who was made part-time.  With Dieter Brummer off riding his motorcycle and dolling out spliffs, she needs a project to keep her occupied and this sounds like the perfect distraction.

I do keep forgetting about Bec lately.  She doesn’t have much going on right now, well except flirting with Ryan her ex psychologist and making lasagna and now this school counselor issue..oh and a baby that spends a lot of time on the floor….anyways, she’s decided, with the help of Ryan, to sort this school counselor issue out which includes some rather intense eye undressing (on Ryan’s behalf) and Bec realizing she has NO IDEA WHAT AUTO-SAVE IS!

Jen/Man-Child/Gross Family Members:  Jen and man-child are trying to find a place to have lie down kisses.  His place is no good and Jen has had enough of the back seat of the car (saucy minx) so to her bedroom (in her parents house) they go!

This causes all kinds of awkwardness at the ‘Haus of Gross’ the following morning as Jen (negligee and all) introduces her topless man-child to the Gross clan.  Her sister Bridget (Sarah Grace) eyes him off, mum Trish (Denise Scott) offers to cook him breakfast, Dad Brian (Francis Greenslade) basically asks “are you adult cuddle friends?” and brother Patrick (Jack Pearson) offers up the most normal reaction of “ewwww you’re my sister, you’re not supposed to be doing that”.

Off to the beach they go (does Jen work?) where she’s taken a sexy selfie in the change room…probably not the best of locations to take one, I hear there’s bad lighting in those rooms….man-child talks a lot about Jen meeting his parents and how cool it’s going to be and skateboards and playstation and OMGs.  

She’s starting to realize (not that he’s a child) that he’s wanting more out of this than she wants and makes the utterly heartbreaking decision to dump his man-child ass.  Of course this doesn’t sit well with the child who promptly sends out her sexy selfie to the entire internet.

Talk about your worst nightmare coming true!  Though snaps to Jen for having a crack at telling man-child to delete the image and everyone he sent it to.  I wonder if she realizes that age old saying “Once it hits the net, it’s out there forever!”

Winners and Losers airs Tuesday nights, Channel 7 at 8:30pm(ish)