If there’s anything that can describe how I felt by the end of this episode…this would be it

But before I became all ragey and sprouting hot tears, we have to go back to the start of the episode.  Poor Anoushka is the sole surviving member of Team Nicole after Naomi sent Melise packing last week.

Team Cheyenne are feeling sorry for Noush, knowing that she has a lot of pressure on her to do well and avoid ending up in the elimination room.  They offer comfort to Noush before they all groan about how bad Team Naomi’s campaign photo was last week.

Team Naomi on the other hand are living it up playground style with group hand slaps and waves and cheering after still managing to keep every member of their team.  Sarah is happy her team is still together but you know…they’d be better off if Brittaney were to be booted off.

Test Shoot time!  This time, it’s all about the catwalk and more specifically, how quickly the girls can change backstage and head back onto the runway which, according to Chantal, backstage. there’s usually bras and knickers, hair and hairspray flying around (which is my usual Friday night).

The Queen of the Catwalk – Naomi Campbell is on hand for this test shoot and she brings with her, her friend (yes Naomi has a friend) fashion designer Gail Elliot.  They talk about how important it is to be on spot when doing catwalk and how time spent backstage changing outfits is one of the most important things in life.

So Naomi is going to show us quickly she can do it right?

No?

She’s going to show us how to walk – even though the challenge is how quickly the girls can change backstage….The girls put on their best “oooooooh” faces as Naomi walks down the catwalk ‘lightly on her feet’…cue claps and cheers and time for the models to battle it out.

Who did well?  Short list this time.  Having only two minutes to complete the challenge, only two girls managed to strip, change and walk the walk within the allotted time.  Yaya does it in 1 Minute 25 seconds though there was an awkward end of catwalk moment where no one really knew what was going on…had she finished, had she not…

Ruth is also the only girl to make the cut but missed Yaya’s time by 10 seconds.

Who did Bad?  Poor Anoushka…she managed to set a record…for the longest time backstage – 2:51 seconds (I think she was doing crunches back stage), Brittaney (who hit a time of 2:01 seconds mind you) still found herself being called out by Naomi (once again) for looking down while walking and generally, everyone managed to complete the challenge in around the 2:14 second mark.

Yaya wins the challenge (almost be default) then there’s industrial type shots of the pipes and worn bricks outside before we head back inside for the Campaign Challenge.

George lulls the girls into a false sense on wonderment letting them all know they’ll be doing a catwalk show (in front of 200 VIP’s) at the Sydney Opera House for red carpet and bridal designer Steven Khalil…and after screaming and clapping and Ruth’s agape mouth, he tells the girls that the catwalk includes walking down 50 stairs.

The dresses are stunning and the girls all rightfully so fawn all over them.  Naomi pops into check on her team and makes it be known that YOU CANNOT TOUCH YOUR DRESS NO MATTER WHAT!

Noush is noticing how much material is included with hers…and when doing the maths…she’s not that tall, big dress, lots of layers plus 50 stairs and she’s starts to have some rather nasty visions..

Team Cheyenne give us screams and A LOT of ‘Oh my gawds” and Cheyenne tells the girls “strong face” but we all know that Olivia and her NSFW face is waiting to pop out.

It’s practice time and Naomi, not satisfied with Brittaney’s survival last week, decides to attack once again.  “I’m very upset” “Watch Sarah” “What’s with the shoulders?” “Brittaney that walk is not even a runway walk, it’s diabolical” “Oh Lord have mercy!” “We’re losing this one” “drink this cup of bleach”….etc etc

We’re now at the SYDNEY OPERA HOUSE! and the girls continue with practicing their down-50-stairs-with-a-sheet-dress walk.  Naomi, who is still concerned with Brittaney asks how her practice is coming along.  Sarah responds by throwing Brittaney under a bus “she’s tripped a couple of times…” Sarah might as well have been driving that bus.

Cheyenne (and that dress with the boobs…lordy lordy lordy) goes through a few practice walks with her girls “you can even have a bit of a bounce” (are straight guys watching this show?) and if you look carefully, you will have seen Brittaney make a break from the Mean Girls team and quietly merge into Team Cheyenne’s calm and playful practice session.

Time for the catwalk.  Team Naomi is up first and Naomi points out “I’m with them every step they take” – well, except for Brittaney.

*Chantal is regal and beautiful (blergh) and finishes up with the classic Angelina at the 2012 Oscars leg out pose..

*Ruth walks down those steps very…..very….s l o w l y.  Is she going to fall?

No.

But she probably wished she did because shock horror….SHE PICKED UP HER DRESS!

Mind you, while the girls are walking, we all get to learn that Naomi has amazing ventriloquist skills.  The amount of talking with immobile lips could see her easily take it up as a second career option.

*Sarah, of course Sarah was her usual amazing self.

*Brittaney…well my my my.  It’s amazing she wasn’t found hiding in a corner, curled up in the fetal positing crying about not wanting to deal with Naomi anymore.  Instead, girl sashays down that catwalk like she’s been doing it for 20 years and looks brillopads while doing it!  (yay!)

Team Cheyenne is up next with YaYa up first.

*YaYa looks amazing and confident and…what that?  She’s stopped?  Why she stopped for?  Why is she kicking her dress?

Her foot is caught in her dress.  My god, with all that dress touching and kicking, could you imagine if she had been on Team Naomi?

After one last good kick (and a failed attempt by Cheynne to remove the dress from the shoe) YaYa manages to finish off her walk nicely.

*Nikolina – Flawless

*Olivia – You knew it was going to happen….her NSFW face was out in full bloom, those lips were parted like Noah did the red sea…if only Cheyenne had managed to get that glue earlier….

Team Nicole is up last.  Our single and solely Noush in her big girl gown!

*Anoushka looked like Bambi learning to walk.  The dress was hitched up, there was a lean, there was fear in her eyes…girl was on a mission to “get out of that dress”.

Judging time….Well clearly Steven Khalil has great taste as Brittaney was one of his favorites (go Britt!).  He wasn’t a fan of YaYa or Olivia but liked Nikolina and he thought Noush was stunning but SHE TOUCHED HER DRESS.

So Team Naomi wins (again)

 

Nicole’s posture says it all…

Noush is automatically up for elimination while we see Cheyenne start to play the game by putting up YaYa – her strongest girl – for elimination.  She makes up some bull  to attempt to justify to her team why YaYa is up instead of NSFW Olivia.

Judging Time.  Naomi plays it cool, pretending she’s still unsure about who she’s sending home.  She goes through the motions of finding out who wants it more, who’s got more drive but we all know Naomi is out to crush Team Nicole and that she does.

Noush is gone.

Now, in these types of shows, it’s usually the models who fight between themselves..but clearly, this is unlike any other model competition show.

Team Naomi are wishing for Noush’s triumphant return.  Apparently they have completely missed the whole Naomi vs Nicole saga that’s been raging on for the past few weeks.

When YaYa enters victorious, Brittaney says what we were all thinking “Like seriously, what the fuck?”  Cheyenne quickly skips up to Naomi thanking her for saving YaYa before Naomi, who’s now on her high horse, explains (falsely) why she send Noush packing.

Nicole sits and takes it all in, knowing she no longer has a team thanks to (mostly Naomi) and we’re all sitting and watching screaming at the TV for Nicole to stand up and say “What the fuck Naomi?!”…and then she does!

Keeping it classy, Nicole chooses her words wisely “Naomi, the way I feel about this, is i don’t agree with your decision – ” before Naomi cuts in, spews up about being an editor for a magazine – in Russia and in Germany – and that Noush would never be picked up by IMG in America.

Basically it’s all lies and Naomi just wanted to crush Nicole.

Then the two (or mainly Naomi) get into it (with Cheyenne even pushing Nicole into the pit of poison) over the decision before out of no where, Naomi spits out –

So while Naomi is shoving her own head up her own ass about how amazing she is and how much above she is over Nicole, Cheynne sits and watches….

And it’s here Nicole points out what this show is actually about… “It’s not about me, it’s not about you, this is about the girls.  This competition is about the girls”.

Bout time somebody told Naomi.

She’s still not listening though, as she’s still on her rant.  Always the lady, Nicole stands up, wishes the girls in the competition the best of luck” and walks out while Naomi continues on about how her decision was not based on bias.

Get your hand off it Naomi.

Next Week:  Damaged ankles, an unflattering dress and sunglasses no one would ever wear!

Oh, and how’s Team Anthobuzz going?

Goooooo Brittaney!