Category Archives: MKR

The House of Horrors Returns: An MKR Recap

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We were invited back to the house of horrors last night for a chance to see VIC friends Harry and Christo redeem themselves from their failed first instant restaurant. If you remember, there were cut fingers, dropped eggs, broken pastry, exploding pastry weights….what could have gone wrong did go wrong.  Surely, this time round, they’d have more luck.

Taking note from Carly, the boys have opted for a positive vibe and zen like calmness for the night.  As Harry states “We’re here to cook, not cry”.

That is until the power goes out.

[Cue Tears]

Thankfully when the power came back on (one of the camera crew must have accidentally tripped a fuse) the food prep is fine and no one was injured.  The guests all arrive and i’m saddened to see no edible menus – Josh and Danielle really did set the bar high with that one.

Best Dish of The Night: Hunger!  A THREE HOUR wait between entree and main (now where are those edible menus?) saw some of the contestants go a little insane.  David offered up the ‘severed moving finger’ gag (to which Danielle claims to have NEVER SEEN BEFORE?!), Carly offered up a joke “What color is a burp?  Burple!”  while Kelly showed along with a jaw that unhinges, she also have no joints in her arms or shoulders.

The Food Overall: A giant step up from the boys first attempt, though I’d love to know who told Harry that pheasant only needs 15 minutes to roast in the oven.  A simple Google search tells me pheasant needs a minimum of 40-50 minutes in an oven that isn’t opened every 5 minutes.  Their entree was the only let down of the night.  Calamari and dressed rocket was too simple and too bland but the dessert of crumble filled stone fruit with ice cream (made with sugar – well done Christo!) impressed most.

The Final Result: Easily made it through to the next round allowing David to offer some impressive and well practiced eye rolls.  The massive time delays for food saw some points taken off, giving the boys a total score of 65.

Next Up: We’re back in sunny QLD with David and Corinne (yay?) who are aiming for the highest score ever in MKR history, but first they need to pop a bottle of champers and he needs his trousers ironed.  Will the ‘Queen of Seafood’ regain her throne?  Will David poison Harry and Christo’s food?  Will there be enough chairs for all the guests?

My Kitchen Rules – David and Corinne airs tonight, Channel 7 at 7:30pm!

Give Your Guests Dirt…..: An MKR Recap

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VIC Couple Josh and Danielle

Molecular Gastronomy.  Thank goodness for auto correct.  It was the theme of last nights instant restaurant (named Alchemy).  It was all science mixed with food mixed with edible dirt.

I’m still lost with the edible dirt.

Both Josh and Danielle from VIC both quit their day jobs to try their hand at combining their two loves – food and science.  It sounds kinda cool but apparently, it doesn’t translate well to taste.  There are just some hobbies that should not be shared with the world.

Seems like Harry has moved on from Bianca and set his sights on Kelly.  There was some weird flirting going on between the two that involved them licking the edible paintings.  Just wait till he sees her unhinge her jaw and eat him whole.  David was still in fine form. Watching him try and explain what alchemy was to wife Corinne was like watching Kelly trying to explain what confit means to Manu (painful).

The Best Dish of the Night: Chloe vocally expressing her hopes that Josh and Danielle fail in their instant kitchen resulting in tumbleweeds rolling by.  One moment, everyone’s looking at the dirt and asking “Is it edible?”, the next, silence after Chloe said just how she feels.

The Food Overall: I’ll let Kelly take this one…

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Ox Tail Gyoza with hazelnut oil and apple sphere (or fancy grapes) for entree, Sous Vide Salmon with cinnamon biscuit and vanilla mayo for mains and banana parfait with maple bacon for desert. Somewhere along the line, Josh and Danielle got their food groups mixed up.  Maybe move the bacon to the main and the cinnamon biscuit with vanilla mayo to the desert….and scrap the entree seems like a better idea.

The Final Result: Basically, Pete Evans told them not to quit their day jobs – oops too late!  Josh and Danielle both seemed quite surprised by the scoring but hey – you give your guests dirt and they’ll respond with shit.  (saying ©Anthobuzz)  The VIC couple are now on the bottom of the ladder ensuring Chloe and Kelly remain to pull faces, gag and tell travel stories for another week.

Next Up:  Harry and Christo are back to prove they can cook, as long as it doesn’t require them to use electricity.

Averting a Pasta Disaster: An MKR Recap

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Weren’t these Perth girls out to prove a point last night?  Not only were they trying to redeem themselves in the kitchen after their dismal first round attempt, they were also out to prove that they have been travelling to many exotic locations (apparently they just got back from Italy).

I think it was punishment for us noting down that not a single travel story was uttered from either Kelly or Chloe on night one of the elimination rounds.  To make up of the lack of stories, Chloe was spewing up many a “I’ve been to Italy” “I’ve eaten in a Michelin star restaurant” etc etc story – after a while, your mind tends to glaze over and it’s just expected that she’ll keep bashing them out.

They also seem to be still bruised after being called “Mediocre” in round one.  Toughen up girls, if you read what everyone is saying about you on social media, being called mediocre is like landing on a soft pillow.

At least they made everything themselves tonight.

The Best Dish of the Night: I have two.  First up – David.  David is really providing some amazing insight into the mind of a senior citizen.  From Monday nights ‘Juzz’ disaster to last nights ‘Marron on a pillow’ impersonation, you can slowly see his mind casually slip away from him.

Second nomination – Chloe trying to talk her way around knowing what ‘confit’ means.  To the general person, confit means to cook meat in fat, slowly and on a low temperature for a LONG time (usually 3 hours).  To Chloe, confit means cooking meat in fat on a high temperature for 45 minutes.  It’s her own version on a Michelin star dish.  Best the chef that created that is smiling right now.

The Food Overall: I feel like i’m sitting on a set of scales here.  The entree earned them two tens from the judges.  It looked damn fine and after averting a pasta disaster the girls actually came through with an impressive first course. But that’s where it ended.  Manu’s perfect timing to enter the kitchen just as Chloe put the confit chicken in the oven (for 45 minutes) showed us all how much restraint one can have in order to avoid slapping someone across the face.  (I’m pretty sure Manu must have almost severed his tongue from biting it).

Desert was a dividing course.  Most seemed to like it.  Carly (Who has become my favorite contestant) seemed quite happy to try pasta for desert (until she was informed it was cannoli and not cannelloni) while it looked like David received the ONLY soggy cannoli out of the bunch.

The Final Result: Better than round one.  Two tens for the entree perked them up and David found his soul mate in Josh from VIC because “finally, someone else around here who knows about food!”  sure sure.

Next Up: Speaking of Josh from VIC, he and his wife are up next. Food scientists.  Expect food that looks like dirt and lickable paintings.

 

Positive Vibes Positive Thoughts: An MKR Recap

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NSW Friends Carly and Tresne

Being the first of the gatecrashers to cook is not an easy thing for us viewers.  We don’t really know if we like them or not and not really sure if being too snarky early on will bite us on the bum when it turns out they’re actually a good team.

Turns out Carly and Tresne are a good team.  Full of positive vibes, serenity circles made out of sale and positive thoughts and just general positivity.  There’s mood rings for every guest, an instant restaurant with the theme of ‘inspire’ and a 70’s inspired curtain made out of beads.

Kelly and Chloe are back (insert eye roll here).  They’re trying a new approach – to not be bitchy and distance themselves from David. It’s very much like in Mean Girls when Gretchen Wieners and Karen Smith sort of turned on Regina George.  There’s some new couples too.  A mother and daughter team and a married couple who enjoy food science.

Best Dish of the Night: I have to say, i’m kind of glad David is back for this round – especially when he uses words like “juzz” instead of “jus” (pretty sure Manu would have rolled in his grave for that one) or describing the pastry used for the beetroot tart entree as “tasting like an Anzac biscuit”.  We get a laugh, Harry and Christo get a laugh, it’s a positive vibe all round.

The Food Overall:  Impressive for a first round of cooking.  Beetroot tart with goats cheese and undressed rocket was more hit than miss and I liked Carly’s use of the floor vent to cool down the balsamic. The main of beef fillet and parsnip puree seemed to impress (the sheer size alone of the servings would have scored them high) and the caramel based desert was too sweet.

Speaking of which – do Manu and Pete know what a desert is? There’s a constant theme of “It was just too sweet” happening for most instant kitchens and i’m wondering if  a piece of toast soaked in vinegar would suffice?  I’m sure the food science couple could turn my vinegar toast into a decent desert.

The Final Result: Not a single travel story from Chloe!  Miracles do happen!  Oh, and Carly and Tresne are safe.  Total score of 74 will easily see them into the next round.  No real nasty scores – the benefit of being the first couple to cook – everyone is still trying to work out the other teams so scores are usually higher than average.

Next Up: KELLY AND CHLOE!  They’ve crashed and burned once before…will it happen again?

Worst Dish of the Series: An MKR Recap

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WA Friends Jess and Felix

I call this karma.  Had Jess and Felix actually been able to talk the talk and walk the walk, then all props to them (mainly Jess) for the cockiness expressed throughout this round of instant restaurants. Instead, the overly prepared duo offered up “one of the worst dishes of the season” as according to Pete Evans.

Jess has got her mission statement and a highlighter, Felix has a plate of bacon, eggs and sausage.  I think I like his morning get-up-and-go better than Jess’s.

Jess happily tells us all about her life’s successes.  Buying a house at 19, travelling the world, singing with INXS at a packed out Wembley Stadium….yet in all this fabulousness, they make the decision to cook in Felix’s incredibly small kitchen complete with an equally small oven.  Cooking for 12 people in an oven that size and not stuffing up….I’d have a better chance of holding my own packed out gig at Wembley.

Best Dish of the Night:

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There’s something wonderful about seeing someone who busily tells everyone about how incredible they are and showing no forms of modesty get cut down to size.  Pete and Manu’s critique of the worlds fastest entrée delivered by Jess and Felix resulted in one of the best smile-to-frown jaw drops ever witnessed on MKR.

The Food Overall: Was covered in Felix’s sweat.  Man this guy drips. Besides all the added salty drips from Felix, the food was bad, and not like “yeah i’m not a fan” bad but more “worst dish in the competition” bad.  The pork belly two ways was basically spam and phlegm on a plate.  The main of overcooked confit duck cigars (Jess’s own creation) was terrible while the mint slice desert earnt them a few smiles and was classed as a big step up from the first two courses.

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The Final Result: Thankfully Manu delivered and sent Jess and Felix packing allowing Harry and Christo to remain in the competition. This should take some of the heat off him for his crimes against the nation in allowing Kelly and Chloe to remain.

Next Up: Intruders!  Three new couples compete against the three lowest remaining teams.  Harry and Christo have to suffer through a week of Kelly and Chloe PLUS David and Corinne (this is going to make for great tv) plus three new teams.  NSW friends Carly and Tresne are first up.

Ballgowns and Salted Dough: An MKR Recap

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SA Mums Bree and Jessica

Amazing things can happen in the kitchen when you leave the kids with the hubby, slap on some Estée Lauder and dust off your prettiest ball gown as shown by SA mums Bree and Jessica.

These two friends are self confessed ‘jugglers’ (involving kids, cleaning, cooking and husbands) and generally make it seem they lead very busy lives instead of checking out a 2pm with a glass of pino and Ellen on the TV,

Once again, Coles is featured heavily, but instead of their ‘fresh fruit and vegie’ section, we’re treated to an in-depth look at their ‘Aussie meat’ department and a very knowledgeable butcher who casts are foreknowing eye over the meat Bree and Jessica are intending to buy.

The menu consisted of all things non-English, all of which could only be spoken by Manu, who also cast a ‘peasant’ eye over those around the table who had no idea what ‘Salt baked chateaubriand with chervil béarnaise and pommes frites’ exactly was….well except for Jess who I felt like was clutching at year 10 French to impress Manu.

The Best Dish of The Night: I’m torn between the mum’s declaring they only like fresh, local scallops and then buying frozen imported ones for their guests (peasants indeed), realizing David’s new and improved attitude can only be put down to him having gotten some of Corinne the night before and Jess’s ability to use the word ‘bitter’ three times in the same sentence.  Ah screw it, I’m going with Felix’s stye.  Talk about that popping up at the wrong time!

The Food Overall: Worthy of 11’s…if an 11 could have been scored. Apparently frozen and imported scallops are the ‘in thing’ as it was the highest scoring meal.  Salt baked chateaubriand with chervil béarnaise and pommes frites (which results in a lot of red underlines on my editing screen here), was cooked to perfection, though if it had been handed to me, I would have had to walk it around the plate so It could have eaten my wilted greens while dessert of berry mousse atop chocolate mud cake was dense.  Well the chocolate mud cake part was dense.

The Final Result: The SA mums breezed past the rest of the ladder, pino in hand, to take top spot over the ‘looking younger by each episode’ THalia and Bianca.

Next Up:  A glorious episode involving Jess and Felix, the words “Worst dish of the series” and Jess giving her best Chloe’s smile to frown impersonation.

The Zany Adventures Of The Clumsy Chef!

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Best Mates Harry & Christo from VIC

Well well well.  Didn’t the boys from VIC just go balls up in their Instant kitchen last night?  They pretty much ruined the plan to keep David and Corinne in the bottom position on the ladder and now, it looks like, these boys won’t make it to the second round.

From dropped eggs to cut fingers to broken pastry to popping open a can of pastry weights…nothing was going to go right tonight – for Harry.  Christo on the other hand managed to rip out a dozen individual tart bases while Harry was out buying eggs…think this tells Christo that his team should of consisted of one?

David (Regina George) was in fine form.  His constant use of ‘this dish has no technical skills’ again, only reinforced the fact that they screwed up their ‘highly technical seafood menu’. 

The Best Dish of The Night: Manu finally loosing his shit about there being NO SAUCE provided with the main.  According to Christo, the plan was for the ‘veal to speak for itself’.  Manu was right when he retorted “The veal can’t speak for itself.  The veal is dead”.  

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The Food Overall:  Bad.  So the onion tart for entree was the best dish, the fact that it looked like cat food made it the least appealing. The main of Veal and beans was dry and chewy while the dessert of Blueberry everything was semi under-cooked and the ice cream was SAVORY!

The Final Result: BOTTOM OF THE LADDER.  Yep, these two pushed David and Corinne off the bottom of the ladder.  You could almost hear the sighs of despair nation wide when Pete offered up his final 2 point score for the desert leaving the boys in last place.

Up Next: The mums from SA tidy house, put on ball gowns and give the kids to the grandparents for the night.

Perky BFF’s Can Totes Cook

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Tasmania Team Thalia and Bianca

As David would say, “These 12 year olds really can cook”.  Well he didn’t say that, but the 12 year old part he did say….many times and it was rather creepy.  These girls, THalia and Bianca are best friends.  They play and study together and also cook together.

Both are so perky and bubbly and BFF’s, it’s hard to not like them. They have aspirations of opening their own fresh fruit market….I think.  I was distracted by all the rainbows and unicorns and stickers shooting out of their mouths when they spoke.

They cleaned out the fresh fruit department of Coles, squealed a lot and basically hand painted the meringue onto their Bombe Alaskas.

Best Dish Of The Night: When David joined the ‘bitch gang’ and cemented himself as the Regina George of the group (needed a little Mean Girls reference there!).  So utterly disgusted with his current standing on the ladder, David along with Corinne, continued to make snide remarks about the menu and the food being delivered all night long.

30 seconds of photoshop work i'll never get back.
30 seconds of photoshop work i’ll never get back.

The Food Overall: I’d call the theme; Nana’s 70’s Seafood Extravaganza! Nan’s pate’ with brioche and chutney for entree (which made Uel throw in a “That was patasty!” joke), Steamed salmon with crunchy diced potatoes and home made aioli (or fish ‘n’ chips) and Bombe Alaska for sweets. Presentation was decent on all plates, with exception of the Bombe Alaska.

David wanted his to be on fire.

The Final Result:  Their Nan’s entree earned the girls high marks from all.  An average score of 8 (yes, even Regina George gave an 8) plus impressive scores (mostly) from the judges see the BFF’s easily take top spot on the ladder.

Next Up: Harry and Christo from VIC and if judging by how many things Harry drops while in the kitchen, it’s no surprise that he suffered a very serious injury.

The Queen of Seafood Dines with Jack Nicholson

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Am I the only one who feels we learnt a little bit too much about this QLD couple?  They have ‘stocks’, he does a crap Jack Nicholson impression, she’s wife number four, he likes calling her his ‘trophy wife’, it literally looks like a father smooching with his daughter when they kiss…

MKR kiss

 

He’s a shit golfer, oh and we have the same friends too.  Well friend.  Well a mate I haven’t seen in a few years, but pops up eating a lamb chop at a party hosted by David and Corinne.

The name of the instant restaurant – The Quarterdeck.  It’s fine dining with a nautical theme and not a single gold shovel in sight.

At least no one can claim these two are cheating – making their own bread, mayo AND butter!  Someone might want to tell Corinne that I’m pretty sure using store bought butter is ok.  Bread is a touchy subject at the moment, but butter is fine.

Then the whole ‘Queen of Seafood’ title comes under scrutiny when the crayfish for the entrée is raw and a lot of questions involving 12 minutes and boiling water start being asked before David decides to cook the crayfish for ‘an extra minutes’.  I’ll add that to my recipe book.

“And cook for an extra minutes”

So then everyone arrives and are promptly given sailor hats wear.  I’m thinking giving everyone a boat each might have worked better than the hats…but that said, the mood was chirpy, with everyone commenting on how wonderful ‘whatever is cooking’ smells, then suddenly, the realization that there’s no chairs for the mum’s or Harry and Christo falls over the group leading to a rather awkward ‘standing around the table’ scene along with some awkward smiling that happens when you’re not really sure what’s going on…

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Nothing says ‘awesome dinner party’ than a game of “Go and get your own chairs!”.

The Best Dish Of The Night: Bitch gang member Jess from WA describing the entree as a plop on a plate (but instead of a word, she used a noise).  Granted, the crayfish stack did look like an avocado pattie with a fish topping or a ‘pancake’ as Jess said.

The Food Overall:  It’s a shame David and Corinne spent so much time making their own butter, mayo and bread and perhaps spent a bit more time on the home-made pasta.  The bowl of seafood glug served for mains was a mass fail while the tropic eaten mess looked like individual pavs bought from Coles.

The Final Result: The Queen of Seafood sank.  Well the 2 hour wait between entree and main didn’t help their cause, especially when then two hour wait led to one of the worst mains ever seen in the competition.  David and Corinne’s instant kitchen puts them at the bottom of the ladder.

Up Next: The Sunday farmers market trawlers Tahlia and Bianca fend off Harry and Christo’s overt sexual advances while attempting to cook for everyone.

It’s a Lobster Massacre! Round 2 Begins on MKR!

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First Up: Uel and Shannon Massacre Lobster Tails.

So now it’s time for group two to present themselves to Australia and be judged on social media all while trying to cook for a bunch of strangers and a pair of celebrity chefs.  Sounds easy enough, and if all goes wrong, just do a Chloe and Kelly and blame the editing.

Who do we have in this new round?  From WA there’s friends Jess and Felix who are giving off an Aimee and Jason type of vibe, but while Jason would suck cheese out of a deodorant stick, I’m feeling Felix would be a little more refined….say replace the cheese with a meat pie perhaps.  From SA we have our first pairing of mum’s for the season – Bree and Jessica.  Sadly, these two are not as sassy and punchy like Angela and Melina from 2013.  They’re more the ‘I’ve popped three kids out, I’m tired, can’t be bothered to do my hair, is the washing done?’ kind of mums.

Harry and Christo from VIC.  Where to start?  Highly over confident and yeah…harry broke his neck recently so i’ll be nice….till it heals.  QLD are giving us David and Corinne, or as I shall be referring to them – Geoffrey and Brynne (think that says it all) The besties from TAS, Thalia and Bianca seem harmless enough.  They look like they’re 12 and laze about on Sundays at farmers markets…I hate them.  Lastly, and first up to cook are the NSW, newly-weds Uel and Shannelle who seem very much in love and won’t be prepared for what the MKR experience will do to their relationship.

Getting straight into it….

The Best Dish of the Night:  The new addition to the Chloe and Kelly bitch gang!  Jess proudly took hold of her welcoming badge, threw in a travel quote then bitched about no bones being in the lamb shank pie.  Yes, bitched about there being NO bones in the pie.  Who does that?  It seems Jess is the type of girl who’d suck bone marrow out of a deodorant stick.

The Food Overall: Yikes!  After completely obliterating the lobster tails for the entrée, the main of boneless lamb shank pie with pea mash had no flavour and just like Geoffrey – had no taste.  At least Manu lightened the mood with an added Sean Connery ‘Shank-You’ gag.  Desert looked like a winner…it had chocolate and marshmallows in it for crying out loud.  Just a shame it was basically a bowl of sugar with a biscuit base.

The Final Result: Uel and Shannelle were nice.  They were cute together in the kitchen, cute serving up the dishes, cute receiving the critiques but cute doesn’t give points.  Everyone scored them pretty mid range while the judges did the same – total score of 53.

Next Up: QLD’s Geoffrey and Brynne show us all what money can buy you (including a bride), there’ll be some uncomfortable kissing scenes and a few bum taps, while Jess cements her status within the bitch gang.