Being the first of the gatecrashers to cook is not an easy thing for us viewers. We don’t really know if we like them or not and not really sure if being too snarky early on will bite us on the bum when it turns out they’re actually a good team.
Turns out Carly and Tresne are a good team. Full of positive vibes, serenity circles made out of sale and positive thoughts and just general positivity. There’s mood rings for every guest, an instant restaurant with the theme of ‘inspire’ and a 70’s inspired curtain made out of beads.
Kelly and Chloe are back (insert eye roll here). They’re trying a new approach – to not be bitchy and distance themselves from David. It’s very much like in Mean Girls when Gretchen Wieners and Karen Smith sort of turned on Regina George. There’s some new couples too. A mother and daughter team and a married couple who enjoy food science.
Best Dish of the Night: I have to say, i’m kind of glad David is back for this round – especially when he uses words like “juzz” instead of “jus” (pretty sure Manu would have rolled in his grave for that one) or describing the pastry used for the beetroot tart entree as “tasting like an Anzac biscuit”. We get a laugh, Harry and Christo get a laugh, it’s a positive vibe all round.
The Food Overall: Impressive for a first round of cooking. Beetroot tart with goats cheese and undressed rocket was more hit than miss and I liked Carly’s use of the floor vent to cool down the balsamic. The main of beef fillet and parsnip puree seemed to impress (the sheer size alone of the servings would have scored them high) and the caramel based desert was too sweet.
Speaking of which – do Manu and Pete know what a desert is? There’s a constant theme of “It was just too sweet” happening for most instant kitchens and i’m wondering if a piece of toast soaked in vinegar would suffice? I’m sure the food science couple could turn my vinegar toast into a decent desert.
The Final Result: Not a single travel story from Chloe! Miracles do happen! Oh, and Carly and Tresne are safe. Total score of 74 will easily see them into the next round. No real nasty scores – the benefit of being the first couple to cook – everyone is still trying to work out the other teams so scores are usually higher than average.
Next Up: KELLY AND CHLOE! They’ve crashed and burned once before…will it happen again?
I call this karma. Had Jess and Felix actually been able to talk the talk and walk the walk, then all props to them (mainly Jess) for the cockiness expressed throughout this round of instant restaurants. Instead, the overly prepared duo offered up “one of the worst dishes of the season” as according to Pete Evans.
Jess has got her mission statement and a highlighter, Felix has a plate of bacon, eggs and sausage. I think I like his morning get-up-and-go better than Jess’s.
Jess happily tells us all about her life’s successes. Buying a house at 19, travelling the world, singing with INXS at a packed out Wembley Stadium….yet in all this fabulousness, they make the decision to cook in Felix’s incredibly small kitchen complete with an equally small oven. Cooking for 12 people in an oven that size and not stuffing up….I’d have a better chance of holding my own packed out gig at Wembley.
Best Dish of the Night:
There’s something wonderful about seeing someone who busily tells everyone about how incredible they are and showing no forms of modesty get cut down to size. Pete and Manu’s critique of the worlds fastest entrée delivered by Jess and Felix resulted in one of the best smile-to-frown jaw drops ever witnessed on MKR.
The Food Overall: Was covered in Felix’s sweat. Man this guy drips. Besides all the added salty drips from Felix, the food was bad, and not like “yeah i’m not a fan” bad but more “worst dish in the competition” bad. The pork belly two ways was basically spam and phlegm on a plate. The main of overcooked confit duck cigars (Jess’s own creation) was terrible while the mint slice desert earnt them a few smiles and was classed as a big step up from the first two courses.
The Final Result: Thankfully Manu delivered and sent Jess and Felix packing allowing Harry and Christo to remain in the competition. This should take some of the heat off him for his crimes against the nation in allowing Kelly and Chloe to remain.
Next Up: Intruders! Three new couples compete against the three lowest remaining teams. Harry and Christo have to suffer through a week of Kelly and Chloe PLUS David and Corinne (this is going to make for great tv) plus three new teams. NSW friends Carly and Tresne are first up.
Amazing things can happen in the kitchen when you leave the kids with the hubby, slap on some Estée Lauder and dust off your prettiest ball gown as shown by SA mums Bree and Jessica.
These two friends are self confessed ‘jugglers’ (involving kids, cleaning, cooking and husbands) and generally make it seem they lead very busy lives instead of checking out a 2pm with a glass of pino and Ellen on the TV,
Once again, Coles is featured heavily, but instead of their ‘fresh fruit and vegie’ section, we’re treated to an in-depth look at their ‘Aussie meat’ department and a very knowledgeable butcher who casts are foreknowing eye over the meat Bree and Jessica are intending to buy.
The menu consisted of all things non-English, all of which could only be spoken by Manu, who also cast a ‘peasant’ eye over those around the table who had no idea what ‘Salt baked chateaubriand with chervil béarnaise and pommes frites’ exactly was….well except for Jess who I felt like was clutching at year 10 French to impress Manu.
The Best Dish of The Night: I’m torn between the mum’s declaring they only like fresh, local scallops and then buying frozen imported ones for their guests (peasants indeed), realizing David’s new and improved attitude can only be put down to him having gotten some of Corinne the night before and Jess’s ability to use the word ‘bitter’ three times in the same sentence. Ah screw it, I’m going with Felix’s stye. Talk about that popping up at the wrong time!
The Food Overall: Worthy of 11’s…if an 11 could have been scored. Apparently frozen and imported scallops are the ‘in thing’ as it was the highest scoring meal. Salt baked chateaubriand with chervil béarnaise and pommes frites (which results in a lot of red underlines on my editing screen here), was cooked to perfection, though if it had been handed to me, I would have had to walk it around the plate so It could have eaten my wilted greens while dessert of berry mousse atop chocolate mud cake was dense. Well the chocolate mud cake part was dense.
The Final Result: The SA mums breezed past the rest of the ladder, pino in hand, to take top spot over the ‘looking younger by each episode’ THalia and Bianca.
Next Up: A glorious episode involving Jess and Felix, the words “Worst dish of the series” and Jess giving her best Chloe’s smile to frown impersonation.
Well well well. Didn’t the boys from VIC just go balls up in their Instant kitchen last night? They pretty much ruined the plan to keep David and Corinne in the bottom position on the ladder and now, it looks like, these boys won’t make it to the second round.
From dropped eggs to cut fingers to broken pastry to popping open a can of pastry weights…nothing was going to go right tonight – for Harry. Christo on the other hand managed to rip out a dozen individual tart bases while Harry was out buying eggs…think this tells Christo that his team should of consisted of one?
David (Regina George) was in fine form. His constant use of ‘this dish has no technical skills’ again, only reinforced the fact that they screwed up their ‘highly technical seafood menu’.
The Best Dish of The Night: Manu finally loosing his shit about there being NO SAUCE provided with the main. According to Christo, the plan was for the ‘veal to speak for itself’. Manu was right when he retorted “The veal can’t speak for itself. The veal is dead”.
The Food Overall: Bad. So the onion tart for entree was the best dish, the fact that it looked like cat food made it the least appealing. The main of Veal and beans was dry and chewy while the dessert of Blueberry everything was semi under-cooked and the ice cream was SAVORY!
The Final Result: BOTTOM OF THE LADDER. Yep, these two pushed David and Corinne off the bottom of the ladder. You could almost hear the sighs of despair nation wide when Pete offered up his final 2 point score for the desert leaving the boys in last place.
Up Next: The mums from SA tidy house, put on ball gowns and give the kids to the grandparents for the night.
As David would say, “These 12 year olds really can cook”. Well he didn’t say that, but the 12 year old part he did say….many times and it was rather creepy. These girls, THalia and Bianca are best friends. They play and study together and also cook together.
Both are so perky and bubbly and BFF’s, it’s hard to not like them. They have aspirations of opening their own fresh fruit market….I think. I was distracted by all the rainbows and unicorns and stickers shooting out of their mouths when they spoke.
They cleaned out the fresh fruit department of Coles, squealed a lot and basically hand painted the meringue onto their Bombe Alaskas.
Best Dish Of The Night: When David joined the ‘bitch gang’ and cemented himself as the Regina George of the group (needed a little Mean Girls reference there!). So utterly disgusted with his current standing on the ladder, David along with Corinne, continued to make snide remarks about the menu and the food being delivered all night long.
The Food Overall: I’d call the theme; Nana’s 70’s Seafood Extravaganza! Nan’s pate’ with brioche and chutney for entree (which made Uel throw in a “That was patasty!” joke), Steamed salmon with crunchy diced potatoes and home made aioli (or fish ‘n’ chips) and Bombe Alaska for sweets. Presentation was decent on all plates, with exception of the Bombe Alaska.
David wanted his to be on fire.
The Final Result: Their Nan’s entree earned the girls high marks from all. An average score of 8 (yes, even Regina George gave an 8) plus impressive scores (mostly) from the judges see the BFF’s easily take top spot on the ladder.
Next Up: Harry and Christo from VIC and if judging by how many things Harry drops while in the kitchen, it’s no surprise that he suffered a very serious injury.
Am I the only one who feels we learnt a little bit too much about this QLD couple? They have ‘stocks’, he does a crap Jack Nicholson impression, she’s wife number four, he likes calling her his ‘trophy wife’, it literally looks like a father smooching with his daughter when they kiss…
He’s a shit golfer, oh and we have the same friends too. Well friend. Well a mate I haven’t seen in a few years, but pops up eating a lamb chop at a party hosted by David and Corinne.
The name of the instant restaurant – The Quarterdeck. It’s fine dining with a nautical theme and not a single gold shovel in sight.
At least no one can claim these two are cheating – making their own bread, mayo AND butter! Someone might want to tell Corinne that I’m pretty sure using store bought butter is ok. Bread is a touchy subject at the moment, but butter is fine.
Then the whole ‘Queen of Seafood’ title comes under scrutiny when the crayfish for the entrée is raw and a lot of questions involving 12 minutes and boiling water start being asked before David decides to cook the crayfish for ‘an extra minutes’. I’ll add that to my recipe book.
“And cook for an extra minutes”
So then everyone arrives and are promptly given sailor hats wear. I’m thinking giving everyone a boat each might have worked better than the hats…but that said, the mood was chirpy, with everyone commenting on how wonderful ‘whatever is cooking’ smells, then suddenly, the realization that there’s no chairs for the mum’s or Harry and Christo falls over the group leading to a rather awkward ‘standing around the table’ scene along with some awkward smiling that happens when you’re not really sure what’s going on…
Nothing says ‘awesome dinner party’ than a game of “Go and get your own chairs!”.
The Best Dish Of The Night: Bitch gang member Jess from WA describing the entree as a plop on a plate (but instead of a word, she used a noise). Granted, the crayfish stack did look like an avocado pattie with a fish topping or a ‘pancake’ as Jess said.
The Food Overall: It’s a shame David and Corinne spent so much time making their own butter, mayo and bread and perhaps spent a bit more time on the home-made pasta. The bowl of seafood glug served for mains was a mass fail while the tropic eaten mess looked like individual pavs bought from Coles.
The Final Result: The Queen of Seafood sank. Well the 2 hour wait between entree and main didn’t help their cause, especially when then two hour wait led to one of the worst mains ever seen in the competition. David and Corinne’s instant kitchen puts them at the bottom of the ladder.
Up Next: The Sunday farmers market trawlers Tahlia and Bianca fend off Harry and Christo’s overt sexual advances while attempting to cook for everyone.
So now it’s time for group two to present themselves to Australia and be judged on social media all while trying to cook for a bunch of strangers and a pair of celebrity chefs. Sounds easy enough, and if all goes wrong, just do a Chloe and Kelly and blame the editing.
Who do we have in this new round? From WA there’s friends Jess and Felix who are giving off an Aimee and Jason type of vibe, but while Jason would suck cheese out of a deodorant stick, I’m feeling Felix would be a little more refined….say replace the cheese with a meat pie perhaps. From SA we have our first pairing of mum’s for the season – Bree and Jessica. Sadly, these two are not as sassy and punchy like Angela and Melina from 2013. They’re more the ‘I’ve popped three kids out, I’m tired, can’t be bothered to do my hair, is the washing done?’ kind of mums.
Harry and Christo from VIC. Where to start? Highly over confident and yeah…harry broke his neck recently so i’ll be nice….till it heals. QLD are giving us David and Corinne, or as I shall be referring to them – Geoffrey and Brynne (think that says it all) The besties from TAS, Thalia and Bianca seem harmless enough. They look like they’re 12 and laze about on Sundays at farmers markets…I hate them. Lastly, and first up to cook are the NSW, newly-weds Uel and Shannelle who seem very much in love and won’t be prepared for what the MKR experience will do to their relationship.
Getting straight into it….
The Best Dish of the Night: The new addition to the Chloe and Kelly bitch gang! Jess proudly took hold of her welcoming badge, threw in a travel quote then bitched about no bones being in the lamb shank pie. Yes, bitched about there being NO bones in the pie. Who does that? It seems Jess is the type of girl who’d suck bone marrow out of a deodorant stick.
The Food Overall: Yikes! After completely obliterating the lobster tails for the entrée, the main of boneless lamb shank pie with pea mash had no flavour and just like Geoffrey – had no taste. At least Manu lightened the mood with an added Sean Connery ‘Shank-You’ gag. Desert looked like a winner…it had chocolate and marshmallows in it for crying out loud. Just a shame it was basically a bowl of sugar with a biscuit base.
The Final Result: Uel and Shannelle were nice. They were cute together in the kitchen, cute serving up the dishes, cute receiving the critiques but cute doesn’t give points. Everyone scored them pretty mid range while the judges did the same – total score of 53.
Next Up: QLD’s Geoffrey and Brynne show us all what money can buy you (including a bride), there’ll be some uncomfortable kissing scenes and a few bum taps, while Jess cements her status within the bitch gang.
So this was the episode all MKR fans had been waiting for. After being hung, drawn and quartered on all platforms of social media, it was now time for the villains of the series, Perth’s Kelly and Chloe, to put their cooking skills to the test, not only for the other contestants, but for everyone at home watching too.
It didn’t take long for the wheels (or pretentious smirks) to fall off the duo’s faces. Their aims of perfect 10’s throughout their entire meal was quickly destroyed when their entrée of ‘three cheeses’ was destroyed by the judges.
Wait, back up a minute….. trio of cheeses?
Chloe doesn’t like cheese right? Or was it Kelly? I don’t know. At times, these two tend to blend into one big ball of unpleasantness.
Well apparently Chloe or Kelly cooked this dish a lot for her friends three year old and the kid loves it. Three year old also eat play-doh so I doubt they’d be the best judge.
Follow that up with a main including Bambi’s Thumper and Mr. Squiggle’s Gus the Snail and you’ve got a dish that’s put off most of the table even before it’s served.
Best Dish of The Night: Chloe’s face when Pete ripped into her about the disaster that was her entrée. So convinced she was of the awesomeness of it, her reaction to Pete’s remarks saw her jaw literally unhinge and hit the floor with an almighty thud. Something similar to this…
The Food Overall: Certainly was more eyebrow raising than a few of the previous offerings (There’s a Deb reference in there but there’s just too many to choose from). Trio of cheeses, rabbits, snails (to which I’m certain made Kelly vom in her mouth when throwing them into the paella) – the main had the word peasant in it for crying out loud. Then again, Kelly decided to add sliced white bread to layer under one of the cheese offerings so peasant might just be appropriate. Desert however caused the most controversy. We all knew it as soon as they picked up the frozen puff pastry and casually threw it into their trolley claiming “They can’t expect us to make our own puff pastry”.
Turns out everyone was expecting them to make their own puff pastry.
The Final Result: Well after Manu called the pastry “Cardboard” and “virtually inedible” it was pretty certain it was going to be down to Andrew and Emelia and these two, to decide the bottom spot on the ladder. All it came down to was Manu’s score for the desert. 2 points a loss, 3 a draw, 4 a win. Clearly after Manu called the desert inedible, it couldn’t be higher than Pete’s score of 2 could it? Surely not.
What’s that Manu? The producers whispered in your ear…something about a score of 4 right? It’s the only logical explanation as to how they remained in the competition. Try as you might, we all know by now when we’re being played. I, for one, calling dodgy.
Next Up: New teams. Round two. I’ve decided I don’t like any of them already. I did this last season and changed my tune quickly.
For now, i’ll leave you with the following image which pretty much sums up my thought’s on Manu’s final score for the night.
Now, The Block is somewhat less controversial than MKR at the moment. There’s no team acting out. No tanties thrown. No sign of bad sportsmanship. Well, for now. The teams have just been told they have 24 hours to hand up the entire drafted plans for the entire build so we’ll see how long that lasts for.
But let’s not jump too far ahead. This was discovered late in the episode. Earlier on, my theory that Steve was really only on the show as per Chantelle’s wishes (or, just along for the ride) seemed to be coming closer to being proven correct. Happy now a builder is on board (Super Luke) Steve can now plod along with Chantelle taking part in all the shopping fun. Even Keith picked up on this and suggested nicely that maybe he picks up a hammer or some other tool like object – once in a while.
Keith informs the twins their floors needed to be raised. It’s here we get our first “If they keep screwing with us, them I’m walking” quote of the season. I’m pretty sure there’s at least five more of those to come.
Oh, and everyone makes fun of Steve and Chantelle’s barn door hand made by Super Luke. I actually like it. If the wooden theme is continued tastefully throughout the apartment, then the door will look amazing. By the way he was talking, I’m thinking Super Luke and Chantelle should have made up the team. He’s making more decisions on the design and layout than Steve is.
Next Up: Looks like Steve found where the drills are kept and then decides to go head to head with the Keithinator about the plans. My advice…go slow and start with the drill working your way up to a confrontation with Keith. it’s safer for everybody.
Had things gone to plan for Deb and Rick’s instant kitchen, the married duo from SA would have nabbed perfect 10’s, taken top spot on the leader board and Manu would be hog-tied in the basement. Well, there were no 10’s, no top spot and as far as I know, Manu is safe and sound speaking French and eating delicious French food while wearing a kicky beret.
In the kitchen, the well hyped Naughty Nana Deb, ended up being a seriously Frazzled Nana in the kitchen. Too much mustard dressing on the entrée, over thinking the main and under-cooking the first batch of cake for the desert. Good thing super Rick was there to save the day.
Best Dish of the Night: Vikki’s champagne pouring skills. It’s clear the VIC twin has not been fortunate enough to travel to exotic places like Chloe and Kelly, where champagne flows freely (and is well poured). The amount of head that ended up in each glass resulted in a terrible froth vs bubbly ratio and i’m pretty sure Vikki had been swigging from the bottle as she must have thought Kelly was an empty glass and proceeded to spill champagne all over her.
The Food Overall: Very home-style, family cooking. Once again, there was nothing really complicated (though I couldn’t cook trout to save myself) and if you’re going to offer a trifle for desert, naming it after yourself should mean there is something unique about it – say maybe an eyebrow pencil in each glass?
The Final Result: Well Deb offered up a glimpse of her painted naked body to Manu – so she’s on a win for the night. Kelly ended up with a dress soaked in champagne – so we got a win too. Most scores were pretty mid-range. Think the two hour wait for Deb’s trifle resulted in some points being taken off. Our saucy Nana and her savior hubby will safely continue on to the next round.
Next Up: Hopefully the ‘well traveled friends’ Chloe and Kelly are taking everyone to some glorious and fantastic location just so they can share some of the sights and tastes they have experienced in their privileged lives. Oh, and there’s a cheating scandal too. Shock horror!
As much as I [bagged] her out in my open letter, I really do feel for Chantelle and husband Steve. This whole builder situation is even beginning to make me feel uneasy for them. I could imagine nothing more worse than being two days in and still not have a builder secured for the job.
They had a builder, then they didn’t, then they had two and then they had none…oh and no plans either. Seems builder number one went bye bye, not only with his chippie and sparky but also with the plans drawn up for the apartment. Makes me wonder about these builders who first agree to do work with contestants and then back out. It’s not like it’s some big surprise there’s going to be a crap load of work involved and a camera crew in your face.
But Chantelle and Steve aren’t the only one with tradie issues. While Kyal and Kara seem pretty set to bang on without a builder (for now) they are in need of a sparky and when one arrives, this is what turns up…
I think Kara’s face said everything that we were all wanting to say.
I’m also noticing a lot more focus on the fan teams over the favorites. I can’t really remember much about the boys and what they did and the girls…their plans for a floating staircase leading up to a floating office were ruined by Foreman Keith. Something about lower beams and supports…sometimes all the building talk get’s too complicated for me.
Tuesday night’s episode is all about a shock surprise which puts all the contestants under a lot of stress. We already know it’s the requirement of having the entire plans drafted within 24 hours. I do think the editing department of the show really need to sit down and take a proper look at just what they’re showing us in future previews.
So were we surprised who was the design replication challenge? Well considering the editing department chose to show the twins Alisa and Lysandra taking note about ‘not having an apartment with city views…again’ in the Thursday night promo, I guess no one was really at all shocked to find out the Fans won the design replication challenge.
*The most interesting thing to happen in the first 10 minutes – Darren Palmer karate chopping a designer cushion and offering it up as professional styling (after an added side poke).
*I did like Dale’s interpretation of their brick wallpaper (which Clueless fans would automatically call a ‘Monet’) – Great from afar but horrible close-up.
*Thankfully, Chantelle’s very much talked about bright yellow Winnie The Pooh cushion was no where to be seen in the final result – or even mentioned at all. Funnily enough, I did happen to catch Kyal walking away with it when talking with Steve about the placement of a side table.
*Steve’s over-sized hipster beanie is now on par with Dale’s neck tattoo and face hair in terms of my level of hate.
*The use of “chim chineney chim chim cha-roo” while Steve was talking about his chimney cleaning job – Genius
So once again, the twins end up with the least desirable apartment to make over. Can they make it two for two? If they keep thinking their roof filled view from the rooftop entertaining area is “like the English countryside” then I’d say no….unless the English Countryside looks like Birmingham.
Well well well. Didn’t these twins from Victoria just blow everyone out of the water with their instant kitchen, and by everyone, I mean Chloe and Kelly! Fair to say, I doubt most would have expected much from the two, and they didn’t really get off to the best start.
Trying to find Hapuku (which sounds like a noise a street fighter character would make) left them running late, and it seemed they spent as much time getting ready as they did prepping the entree, but, these girls, scored three 10′s – oh and also managed to wipe any smirks Kelly and Chloe were sporting. Seriously, someone needs to make a stack of gif’s of Kelly from tonight’s episode.
Best Dish of the Night? The big hot bowl of ‘kiss my ass’ soup served to Chloe and Kelly. The girls were ready for the VIC twins to fail and were ready to pounce on any slight mistake there was on the food. Then they go and score the girls an 8 for their menu.
The Food Overall? Didn’t seem too complex. It was no de-boned quail and the entree was basically fish taco’s and Semolina cake sounds like some sort of medieval virus, but apparently tastes amazing.
The Final Result? Kelly and Chloe scampered away with their tails between their legs. Helena and Vikki celebrate by nabbing not only top spot on the leader-board but also equaling the highest ever instant restaurant score given on MKR. So if according to Helena, they (the twins) have half a brain each, and scored three 10′s, I’m left wondering just how much brain Andrew and Emelia are sharing?
Next Up? We’re off to South Australia where Deb gets her painted knockers out for Manu and hopefully rips out a rendition of ‘The Rose’ while sporting Bette Middler’s nose prosthetic used in Hocus Pocus and whipping up a batch of Deb Instant Mashed Potato.