Tag Archives: recap

The Bachelor Australia Via the Eyes of a First Time Viewer.

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“I love you, You love me, We’re a happy family” (c) Network Ten 2016

So I have to admit, I have never watched a single episode of The Bachelor Australia.  Like never ever.  None of the US versions when they aired here and none of the three previous seasons of our very own locally made series either.  It’s not like the show has never been on my radar…The whole Blake Garvey fiasco and “Dirty Street Pies” flooded my social media timelines when they were taking place but truth be told, I have never been that interested.

That was until however I began watching the very awesome UnReal (currently streaming on STAN) which offers a rather gloomy and depressing look at the goings on behind the scenes of a show very much like The Bachelor and it got me wondering how having watched a show like UnReal would affect how I would watch a show such as The Bachelor. And luck be it, a brand new season of The Bachelor began last night.

The Bachelor himself, Richie Strahan, an orphan from the first series of The Bachelorette, is stupidly handsome and utterly charming enough for anyone to ever remember Bachelorette Sam Frost deemed other men more worthy to marry than him.  Anyways, it seems as though much like myself watching for the very first time, he had no idea what was in store as leggy lady after leggy lady disembarked from their black limousine to be introduced to Richie.

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In case we forget their names. (c) Network Ten 2016

It’s here I began to devise a drinking game to go with watching The Bachelor.

*Take a shot anytime Richie’s eyes dart somewhere south when talking to a potential match.

This goes along with the following…

*Take a shot anytime the camera zooms in on cleavage or side-boob.

*Take a shot anytime Eliza sings her self penned song – either to Richie, to the other women or to herself.

*Take a shot anytime a woman is seen clutching at her hip slit dress in an attempt to keep her vah-yayyay covered.

*Take a shot anytime the camera pans to Osher Gunsberg and you find yourself yelling “YOUR NAME IS ANDY G!”

*Take a shot anytime one of the girls rolls their eyes or offer up a killer resting bitch face.

*Take a shot anytime the ‘token brunette’ demands she’s different from the other girls here.

*Take a shot anytime Olena comes on screen and you begin to question your sexuality.

You get the drift but basically, anyone playing this game, i’m assuming should be hammered by about the 20 minute mark of each and every episode.

So this brings me back to UnReal.  Throughout this first episode, all I could think was “God save the poor soul tasked with handling Keira”, “Is Alex, Faith or Megan the ‘wifey’ this season?”, “Is Janey the unstable one?” and other such questions that make UnReal so darned perfect to watch.  As the first episode dragged on however, I actually stopped thinking about the UnReal version and what could be going on behind the scenes and found myself, much like Richie, drowning in what what going on in front of me.  This sort of tag team system that was taking place as each girl goes to spend one on one time with Richie while the others watch on offering ‘if looks could kill’ glances at each other all while hoping to be the lucky recipient of not only a red rose (that according to Russian import Sasha is quite yummo to nibble on) by the end of the night but the exclusive and awe inspiring white rose.

As a first time viewer, it’s all quite bizarre and funny to watch a group of women henpeck each other over the attention of a goofy yet handsome man that may or may not profess his love to one of them but not before romancing and pashing all the ones he likes.

It’s those reasons mentioned above though that also make me understand why it’s so delicious to watch and why it get’s everyone talking.

My hot tip – Olena, Faith and Megan for the final three!

The Bachelor Australia airs Wednesdays and Thursdays 7:30pm on Network Ten.

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Literal Blood, Sweat & Tears for Wentworth’s Season 4 Finale

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Lady be crazy!  (c) Fremantle Media/SoHoTV

WHAT A FINALE!!

Why is everyone so shocked?!  I mean really come on, this is Wentworth people!  The team creating this show have always set the bar high for compelling television and continue to raise that bar with each and every season finale!

My last post, I offered up some season 4 end game theories which came off from not having previewed the episode but from reading what Wentworth had offered up during the season.  My score card?  Not the greatest…i’m giving myself a 3.5 out of 8….so not even 50% but let’s look back at that finale and how my I went in my predictions.

SPOILERS BELOW!!  Do not continue if you have NOT watched the season 4 finale!

1: Ferguson Becomes a Free Woman (sort of right) /// I was partially right on this one!  Joan did in fact find freedom after raking in Jake (Bernard Curry) to kill star witness Nils Jesper (Tony Nikolakopoulos).  It was a bold move on Ferguson’s behalf but that final scene proved that her freedom will be certainly short lived.

2: Sonia reveals her true freak (right) /// Sonia (Sigrid Thornton) kept us guessing for most of the season as to her guilt or innocence and as I called it, we would discover that Sonia in fact is a cold hearted murderer but in the way we found out was nothing short of chilling.  After a meeting with Det. Don Kaplan (Steve Bastoni) Liz (Celia Ireland) discovers that the body of Sonia’s missing friend had been found with a shaved head.  It was an odd mention to reveal and after seeing Sonia’s devastated response to her friends death, Liz believed Sonia to be innocent.  It’s not until Sonia offers to be the one to shave Maxine’s head as she goes through chemotherapy that Sonia, so calm and gentle mind you, mentions the power one has when shaving someone’s head and that it’s a symbol of rebirth.  It’s the first reveal of Sonia’s inner freak that Liz or us viewers have ever seen.

3: There Will be no Top Dog (wrong) /// Karen (Tammy Macintosh) says early on in this final episode that she doesn’t want the job…”let someone else take charge”.  It’s after a brutal fight between herself and Bea in which Bea believed Kaz to be the one to give Allie (Kate Jenkison) a ‘hot shot’ that she overdosed on.  It’s not until she’s ‘drafted’ by the other imates that she accepts the job of prison top dog.

4: Boomer Does not Fall Pregnant (right) /// It was only a short scene, a very quiet mention in which Boomer (Katrina Milosevic) reveals to Liz that the pregnancy didn’t take.  While only a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it scene, it was another touching moment for Booms this season.

5: Vera Will Discover Jake’s Past Offences (wrong) /// Jake managed to not only keep his secrets hidden from Vera, he left his co-worker Will Jackson (Robbie Magasiva) exposed as he kept his tracks hidden when Vera (Kate Atkinson) demanded an officer wide drug test to try and find who helped smuggle the drugs in that somehow ended up in Allie’s veins.

6: An Inmate Will Die (sort of wrong) /// To be clear, Allie woke up from her coma and Bea…well they can’t kill Bea right?!  Wentworth played a sneaky game on us by making us believe Allie would not wake from her induced coma thanks to the overdose provided to her by Joan.  In the meantime, we all believed that Bea would finally get her final revenge on Joan for those actions but when the tables turned on Bea, she, like us, all believed there was no hope for Allie and literally surrendered herself to the brutality of a stabbing with a screwdriver.

7: Doreen’s Sentence is Extended/Reduced (sort of right) /// While there was no mention of Doreen’s (Shareena Clanton) current sentence being altered, it was revealed she “doesn’t have that much time left” and that it should play well for her if she were to request a transfer to Perth where Nash (Luke McKenzie) is currently holed up with their son Joshua.  There wasn’t much more for Doreen this episode but it looks like this decision will play heavily into her story line for season 5.

8: Franky Distances Herself from Wentworth (wrong) ///  Can I just say though, was I the only one thinking the worst when Franky (Nicole da Silva) put the gun she took from Shayne (Hunter Page-Lochard) into her pants outside the court where Joan’s trial was taking place?!  While that scene decided to go no where, it seems like Franky has no desire to remove herself from the ladies inside Wentworth and that was shown in a touching scene between herself and Bea in the visitors room where the two talked love and life.

So there you have it.  Another wonderful season, another spine tingling season finale!  Will Bea survive her attack?  Will Allie make a full recovery?  What will happen to Ferguson? Will Jake keep his secrets close? Will Doreen make the transfer to Perth?  Will Franky and Bridget live happily ever after?  Sound off in the comments above!

The Face Australia: Episode 8 Recap

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The final 5 from L to R – Sporty Ruth, Weave-less Yaya, Unpleasant Chantal, Golden Child Sarah and NSFW Olivia

And the face of Fresh Effects by Olay is……….

We’ll get to it.  you already know who won, but if I just go out and say it now, well…it makes for a really boring recap.

Starting off, as per norm, we check in with each of the remaining teams.  Team Naomi are in front of the glamour mirrors applying makeup and using hair straighteners while trying to be self depreciating about how they didn’t expect to make it to the final…well except for Chantal who’s internally putting the winners crown on her head.

Team Cheyenne are talking tactics, talking Team Naomi and feeling a little sad that they are almost at the end of the competition.

Georges walks in while I swoon and informs the girls that they are the final five!  They clap and ‘woo hoo’ before we get Yaya exclaiming she can’t believe she’s made the final five.

“I’m so ecstatic, so happy, I feel so blessed” she says with the most straightest of faces..

picture…

We’re then introduced to Olay’s marketing manager Lauren Young who spits out some pre-scripted lines about how they’re all beautiful and amazing and she couldn’t be happier with who’s left to possibly face their new fresh effects campaign.

For some reason, we’re given a clip of Chantal explaining that she would love to win because modeling is her dream and everything she’s ever wanted and to show us all that ‘Chantal can reach the top’ – it doesn’t make me like her any more than I don’t.

So Georges crushes the girls by telling them that not all of them will actually make the final catwalk challenge because two challenges before that will weed out the girls that Olay don’t actually want to front them.

*There’s a one minute presentation at Olay HQ on the Olay Fresh Effects Range to a panel headed by Lauren Young

*There’s a final photo shoot – for Fresh Effects by Olay with the winning image to be used in their campaign.

Then Georges opens the heavens and tells the models this final photo shoot will be with none other than part-time Australia’s Next Top Model fashion photographer (and Jo Blogs favorite) Chest Smith, sorry, Jez Smith.

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We all clap along at this news, but the clapping quickly ends when it’s revealed that two, yes two, girls will be sent packing by the end of the photo shoot.

So it’s time for their one minute presentation to the Olay panel. Thankfully Lauren Young has provided some reading material (or a link to Wikipedia) for the girls to copy and memorize for their presentation.

There’s various clips of the girls saying “Olay has been around for over 60 years…” and “Fresh Effects by Olay has been designed to….” as they advertise, I mean memorize, their lines before they are one by one called in to see how good their memory really is in front of a panel of women offering up some severely plastered on smiles

If you don't mean it, then fake it
If you don’t mean it, then fake it

Ruth is called in first and shows Australia just how much of a serious issue memory loss is within the modeling community these days.

“So, over 60 years ago – sorry.  I’ll start again”  “Over 60 years ago, the world and Australia’s number one skin care range was….created..Olay!  Olay – sorry.  Sorry, i’m really sorry.  sorry sorry sorry, sorry, i’m really nervous.  Sorry.  I’ll start again”.

I think she nailed it.

Ruth eventually manages to get her words out but clearly, the damage is done, especially after “your skin….it’s the first thing you look at when people see you in the morning”

????

The rest of the girls come in and blurt out lines they’ve remembered  – Olivia is very personable and friendly, Yaya is full of facts and figures, Chantal loves the fact the skin care range is less than $17 while Sarah kisses major ass by saying she’s been slapping on the stuff for the last few weeks.

Now it’s time for the photoshoot for the Olay campaign.  Jez is finally here to take gorgeous photos of the girls – the brief is fun and flirty, natural without being too modelly….and yes,that is a word OK!

Cheyenne is on hand for her team and is very supportive – “Look at you!  Just be an angel goddess sweetheart, an amazing beautiful creature thing!”  Basically, Yaya and NSFW Olivia both look perfect for the brief.

Naomi too is on hand for her team’s shoot ad she offers up her own style of support “Legs open, not too posey” “This stuff is so difficult, easy stuff can be the most difficult to achieve” “Close the mouth but smile with the eyes – look at me, look at me, this is me now, look at me now, look at me now – see the difference?” – and this was just during Ruth’s shoot.

look at moi, look at moi
look at moi, look at moi

Chantal’s next up and Naomi gives us all some killer tips for when we need to take a natural and casual smiling photo – “Smile with the eyes, not with the mouth, you need to smile with the eyes.  Tongue on the roof of your mouth”

Thank you Naomi!

Sarah…ah the golden child.  The aspect of toning down the model in her is incredibly daunting and she has the most trouble being natural, right down to modeling with her shoulders…

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Photoshoot over and done with, it’s time to cull two girls.  Who will it be?  Who will make the final three?

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What’s this?  Two Team Naomi girls are gone?  NSFW Olivia, Yaya and Golden Child Sarah make the final three and Ruth and Chantal (hell yeah!) are sent packing.  So moved by this sad news, Naomi even shed a human tear over loosing two of her girls – well more for Ruth than Chantal.

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It’s all very sad and slightly touching, but it’s time to move on.  We need to find out face of Fresh Effects by Olay!  To speed things up, there’s some quick phone calls home, there’s smiles and tears and cheers of support…bla bla bla..let’s move onto the runway.

We’re with the girls getting ready for the on-coming runway challenge when Naomi comes in and says she’s pulled some strings to get her dear friend Zac Posen to come in and dress the girls.

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 Everyone is really excited (I would be too actually) and we’re told just who is the ‘Zac Posen woman’ “She has confidence, she has elegance, she’s a creative woman herself and she’s glamorous”

So that explains why Chantal isn’t there anymore.

It’s time for the show, the eliminated models are front row along with Georges and Lauren Young from Olay who are commentating on the girls walk for those unable to see it.

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 The girls…..

The golden child, NSFW and the weaveless dressed in Zac Posen
The golden child, NSFW and the weaveless dressed in Zac Posen

They look flawless. Along with Nicole Trunfio, Naomi and Cheyenne who also take to the catwalk all dressed in Zac Posen.

It’s judgement time!  We’re only minutes away from finally finding our winner – Yaya, Olivia (I’ve now removed the NSFW) and Sarah listen along as Naomi and Cheyenne offer copious amount of praise on the final three.

Are you ready?

“She is fun, she has amazing skin, she’s confident and she’s incredibly genuine – So the girl I’ve chosen to be the face of Fresh Effects by Olay is……

……..

…….

OLIVIA!”

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I don’t really know who did that blood curdling scream when the winner was announced….probably Naomi realizing the golden child is in fact…not so golden or Cheyenne realizing she’s kicked Naomi’s butt.

Everyone is really happy, I’m a little surprised but content with the winner (Olivia was unofficially inducted into Team Anthobuzz last week) and now Olivia is the face of Fresh Effects by Olay and Cheyenne now has one up on Naomi!

Now go and check out and fawn all over Olivia’s flawless portfolio from Vivien’s Models.

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So my team didn’t go so well (if you don’t include Olivia’s addition last week), one didn’t even make it past the auditions, one was bullied and kicked out in week 4 and the other…well, meh…she’s a runner up.

Now we wait for Naomi’s revenge!

The Face Australia: Episode 7 Recap

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Is it a bird?  Is it a plane?  No, it’s a model flying through the air for a campaign shoot for the new Lexus CT 200h!

Starting off, Team Naomi are reveling in the fact that their weak link Brittaney is no more, making them once again the strongest of the two remaining teams.  They ‘feel bad’ that Britt is gone but don’t really mean it.  Bitches.

Team Cheyenne are..wait….who’s that chick?

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Yaya is that you?

I don’t remember seeing her before.  There’s Nikolina and NSFW Olivia and Yaya….where’s Yaya and her glorious head of blonde weave?

What?  That’s Yaya?

Her weave is now gone allowing us to “see her brain structure more” and leaving us with a completely different looking model. While NSFW Olivia and Nikolina both love the look they now see Yaya as a massive threat to them making the final.

So Georges – who’s still looking delish in all his salt and pepper wonderment,  talks to the girls and informs them they are the last six girls remaining – who knew? – before asking them who they think is their biggest threat in the competition.  There’s no head-scratching here, Sarah and Yaya are picked by most before NSFW Olivia chooses Nikolina.

Nikolina?

Yep.  I’d have chosen Nikolina too if the question were “who’s least likely to win”.

So this final test shoot challenge is all about acting, well portraying various emotions in-front of a camera and clearly Ruth already has ‘OMG’ and ‘NO WAY’ down…

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 As per the norm, Nicole Trunfio shows them all how it’s done..

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So after Nicole and Georges make magic together, it’s time for the girls to make emotions as called out by Nicole who also informs them all, she’ll also be reporting back to Cheyenne and Naomi about how they all perform.  They mess up, they act up, they behave like bitchy school girls….their mentors will be told!

Naturally, this sits well with ‘Unpleasant Chantal’..

Crap balls....
Crap balls….

So who does well?

Ruth should have had it won with her ‘cool’ emotion.  Her resulting photo screamed 90’s Calvin Klein.  Unfortunately though ‘OMG’ and ‘No way!’ were not emotions called out for Ruth.

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And during Ruth’s shoot, Georges lets all all know how to look sexy while taking photos “Say A, E, I, O, U under your breath” you know i’m going to try that next time!

NSFW Olivia was asked to be…well….NSFW, so of course, she rocked it.

wait...was this her cool or sexy emotion?
wait…was this her cool or sexy emotion?

Yaya was going through so many emotions I’m convinced there was a form of schizophrenia beginning to emerge.  She looked amazing doing it, and we get a first glimpse as to her potential now she’s weave-less..

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Who did not so good?  Ugh..Chantal.  Had Nicole yelled out “Unpleasant” as an emotion, then Chantal would have had this down to a tee.  I think Georges nailed it when he said “This is really bad Chantal, get angry!”  It’s ok Georges, i’m doing all the angry for both me and Chantal.

Nikolina.  Oh bless her cotton socks.  When asked to be ecstatic, all she could muster up was something akin to “i’m on a heavy flow, but because of my libra fleurs, I can ride a horse!”

And of course, the golden child, Sarah.  She underplayed almost every emotion.  Surprised became scared, confused became confusing which made Sarah confused about acting confused.

Now i’m confused.

So shock horror, NSFW Olivia wins the test shoot!

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Final campaign shoot time!  Now, I don’t blame any of the girls for being thrown for a curve ball here.  The way it’s explained, this campaign shoot will see the girls being suspended from a harness above the new Lexus CT 200h, where they will have 20 minutes to pose and get photographs.

In realty, the girls were going to be unexpectedly flung across the room at warp speed and ‘hope’ to finish out with a decent image of them posing mid-fling above the car.

This ain’t an easy one.

Before the shoot takes place, it’s time for Naomi and Cheyenne to check in with their teams and talk about Nicole’s notes she had taken earlier during the test shoot.  Now Brittaney’s no longer around, Naomi needs a new whipping horse and who better to take the role than Chantal.

She deserves it though.  She flatly throws out Nicole’s critiques and as being wrong but Naomi isn’t having any part of it “you’re not giving a full 100%.  You need to fix this or else you’re not going any further.”  It’s not the harshest we’ve seen Naomi, but it’s about time she decides to stop sweeping her stinking attitude under the carpet and deflecting to someone else.

Shoot time!  It’s fun to watch the girls experience the flinging bungee for the very first time.  Unsure of what exactly is going to happen, they quickly discover they have little to no control over what is happening to them.

Ruth has incredible trouble trying to remain feminine and glamorous while surging 300 miles an hour through the air.

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by the end…no one even really knows if she even managed to snag one usable shot.

Sarah looked amazing and had on this glorious black gown with thigh high split, she was zooming through the air giving ‘great posture’ but couldn’t match it with her dead face.

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Chantal decided the easiest approach to modelling while being thrown across the room was to point and go with a peter pan type pose.  Naomi is having none of it though…oh, I forgot to mention, Naomi has a whip.

Yes, a whip.

She’s gone from mourning mamma last week to dominatrix mamma this week.  Nicole at least seems to be impressed with Naomi’s newest accessory this week.

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Both Chantal and Sarah did manage to come out with a couple of shots to work with while we’re still unsure about Ruth.

That's not how you give the finger...
That’s not how you give the finger…

Time for Team Cheyenne to step in and take flight.  Yaya, with her newly visible brain structure (or haircut as its commonly known) is looking all space mod for her shoot.  Like previous attempts by Yaya to be graceful in the air (remember the trampoline test shoot?) Yaya is once again all legs askew and not doing too well.

Sir, yes sir!
Sir, yes sir!

By the end, she’s decided to go with a weird ‘forehead salute’ type of pose that sort of works well with her outfit.

NSFW Olivia.  Damn girl looks amazing.  I think she’s beginning to warm on me.  While she looks stunning, her dress is so full and voluminous it’s hiding her legs while she’s zooming through the air making her look like a legless floating beautiful ghost.

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Nikolina.  I’m still blessing her cotton socks.  She’s trying to be confident, trying to be the little train that could, but we’re not buying it and if anyone was going to injure themselves during the shoot, of course it’s going to be the girl who’s showing the most fear.

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I’m outta here!

Thankfully though the injury wasn’t that bad, but on the flip side, a scraped knee can hurt like a sonofabitch and after a few quick words of support from Cheyenne (you just know if this was Ruth, Naomi would be saying ‘nut up champ’) Nikolina gets back up and flies away.

Now it’s time to score each individual photo giving a total team score with the team with the lowest score hitting the elimination room.  Judging by the photos, Team Cheyenne should have this easily right?

No?

Ruth received an 8 for this…

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Either Yalande Waldock (the Lexus brand ambassador) is totally blind or I know crap all about campaign shoots. The score of 8 for Ruth’s photo was shocking in itself and see’s team Naomi win AGAIN and even Naomi is shocked with her win.

Considering NSFW Olivia won the campaign shoot for her individual photo, Yaya and Nikolina are headed to face Miss Whiplash in elimination.  The standard of previous eliminations has seen both girls fight it out verbally in front of either Naomi or Cheyenne before a decision is made, but this elimination….I didn’t think it was that boring, but according to Naomi, she’d much prefer to pick up a book and guzzle a glass of wine.

You think Yaya is impressed with that?  Nostrils flaring, steam beginning to explode out of her ears….if it was appropriate for the models to strike a judge, you just know Yaya would have laid the smackdown on Naomi – and she did, well sort of…

yaya ain't happy...
yaya ain’t happy…

She fought back against Naomi, even telling her that she’s talking a load of bull (well in nicer words) and eventually, Yaya’s bite back wins her victory.

Nikolina cries.  Naomi pretends to be upset.

So we now have our final five girls and what’s this?  Next week is the finale?  So soon?  Well next week sees an awkward presentation from Ruth, Naomi acting like a spoiled child who’s not being given enough attention, a photo shoot, a catwalk for a very well known designer and finally, a winner crowned!

My team?  Well Sarah’s my last standing member, but after seeing how NSFW Olivia performed today, i’m claiming her as an unofficial team Anthobuzz member!

The Face Australia Episode 6 Recap

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I knew it.  I gosh well darn knew it.  I knew if I let on that Brittaney was my favorite to win then, with my previous luck, she’d be going home sooner than later and dammit…I need to keep my mouth shut!

So getting back to the start, It’s Team Naomi versus Team Cheyenne and the girls are still reeling after Anoushka’s departure, the demolition of Team Nicole and the confrontation between Naomi and Nicole at the end of last weeks episode.

Chantal proves once again why she’s the least likable of Team Naomi…

Shut up Chantal
Shut up Chantal

While talking about world domination, Brittaney then chimes in with the thought of “Imagine if we all ended up as top 4 – Team Naomi – top 4!” to which Sarah replies “I’ve always said Top 4” – but without you Brittaney.  They continue to gloat over their numerous wins while over at Team Cheyenne, the music is a bit more sombre and sad.

Nikolina is convinced that someone from Team Naomi needs to go next and that they, as a team, need to unite to beat them, though NSFW Olivia feels she is the one to take Team Cheyenne to ‘the next level’

Sure NSFW Olivia
Sure NSFW Olivia

It’s Test Shoot Time!  Ruth has no idea what they could be in for next because apparently, they have done everything there ever was to do in the entire world already in these test shoots…well except for bring world peace…..and a lingerie shoot with a half naked male model.

So the girls will be modeling lingerie by burlesque superstar Dita Von Teese and it’s hard to tell if Ruth is excited about the challenge or surprised that there really is something that they haven’t done yet in these test shoots…

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catching flies…..

Olivia is just plain relieved she can finally just be herself…

Normal and NSFW
Normal and NSFW

Sadly, Dita isn’t on hand to help publicize her brand as she’s still smarting after her confrontation with the legendary Rhonda Burchmore at last years Melbourne Spring Racing Carnival but thankfully, now that Nicole Trunfio has no team left to focus on, she’s kindly stepped in to show the girls how to model in lingerie – being sexy witout being trashy…they have to think more Vogue and less Zoo Weekly Magazine.

While Nicole is talking away, it seems YaYa (who’s snuck around the back of the group) is having some issues with the task ahead….and by issues I mean “please Jesus forgive me for modelling in lingerie” as it turns out our girl YaYa is rather conservative and religious.

Now, YaYa is not the first girl with religious beliefs to appear on a modeling competition, but serisouly, these girls all seem shocked that they find themselves in a situation where they would have to pose either in lingerie or naked while participating in such a competition.

I swear I didn't know!
I swear I didn’t know!

Now if YaYa wasn’t having enough issues with the challenge, Georges decides to throw in an extra kicker – they have to do the modelling with a half naked male model!

'Sup dude?
‘Sup dude?

The girls start to get a bit flustered when Nicole jumps in and shows them the proper way to model lingerie without looking like a rank slapper…

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So who did good?  Well Sarah was back in fine form after last weeks test shoot disaster.  She was grabbing hair and flaying herself about the male model and it worked.

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And shock horror – YaYa comes out guns (or cans) blazing.  She’s got the do it or die attitude and do it she does!

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Who did not so good?  Nikolina, poor lass looked like a deer caught in headlights.  She somehow managed to suck any form of sexuality from the scene which resulted in the following..

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NSFW Olivia should have nailed this.  As YaYa states “Olivia wakes up and she just looks sexy”.  This test shoot was basically tailor made for Olivia but when it came time to shoot….

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YaYa – praise the lord, wins the test shoot and a whole bunch of lingerie from the Dita Von Teese collection that will never see the light of day.

Back to the industrial loft, and the split in Team Naomi is massive. No matter how many times we’re shown images of Chantal and Sarah playing nice with Brittaney, we all know those girls just ain’t getting along at all.

Brittaney is off with YaYa, confiding in her that Chantal is continuing to be distant and just a big ole ‘bitch and that it had gotten to the point where Britt had no choice but to confide in Naomi all the evil that Chantal had been diddling in.  Smart move? We’ll soon enough find out.

Campaign Shoot Time!

The girls are off to shoot a look book for ‘iconic’ sunglasses brand Le’ Specs.  Usually known for high end and very fashionable sunglasses, this particular collection is ‘By Craig and Karl for Le Specs’ and feature the most ghastly and unwearable sunglasses ever made.

These are more appealing...
These are more appealing…

But before I get into the shoot itself, I need to talk about the elephant….or potato sack in the room.  You guessed it, what in the eff is Nicole Trunfio wearing?

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Like seriously…

Is this over sized and shapeless sack punishment for seeing Nicole work her magic in lingerie during the test shoot?  Either way, I am aghast and disappointed in this dress (if it is indeed a dress).

Okay now I have that out of my system, lets talk the campaign shoot.  Male models (or actually well fit dancers) are on hand to be a part of the shoot which will see each teams lookbook feature four photographs.

Cheyenne flounces in to greet her team looking gorgeous as usual. She edging her team into producing photos with motion and movement

Olivia used to be a NSFW ballet dancer!
Olivia used to be a NSFW ballet dancer!

While Team Naomi need to have the most awkward team meeting I’ve ever not been invited to.

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Britt’s “talk” with Naomi earlier has now come to a head where Naomi flat out asks Chantal if she has been a complete cow about Brittaney behind her back.

“No”

“I’ve never said that at all”

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Yeah Chantal, and I just adored that freaking white sack Nicole is wearing at the test shoot.  See I can lie too, I just don’t do it to Naomi Campell’s face.

So Naomi takes Chantal’s word as golden gospel, stamps her foot and claims there’s a new rule for Team Naomi – If you’re gonna be a rotten bitch to each other, do it in the loft and don’t bring it to campaign shoot day.

It all then gets very awkward as Brittaney now has to work with the girls she ‘tattled’ to Naomi about.

So getting back to the campaign shoot….the tension from the earlier meeting is starting to show and even though last week Brittaney shone, Naomi finds it necessary to single her out – once again!

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“I am most worried about Brittaney” “What are you doing Brittaney?” “Are you in the picture or are you not involved in the picture?” “See that bridge Brittaney, jump off it”….etc etc.

Naomi, while still in practice phase, decides she wants Ruth to jump whilst in heels in her photo.  There’s a few practice wobbles before Ruth lands painfully wrong and she’s down and out.  One needs to remind Naomi and the girls that only Sarah Jessica Parker can move like that in heels.

So moving onto the actual shoot…it’s fine.  Team Naomi all do their thing and with five minutes left, it was time for Brittaney’s solo shot. Someone from Team Naomi utters “she looks scared” before they all giggle and Cheyenne even decides to point out that she believes Britt is Naomi’s weakest link.

One minute left…time for the group shot.  So how’s that team dynamic going after Naomi had her little chat with the group?

Can you guess who said this?
Can you guess who said this?

Time for Team Cheyenne and immediately, Cheyenne’s group shot looks incredible when compared to Team Naomi’s.  There’s various perspectives and interactions and movement.  It’s looks quite vibrant, even in those ridiculous glasses.

Winning!
Winning!

The final result shows Team Cheyenne absolutely smashing it with NSFW Olivia producing the weakest shot.

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Team Cheyenne’s look book

Team Naomi offered up four single shots of the girls modeling the glasses.  They liked Sarah’s smile shot, and loved Britt’s image. Chantal produced the weakest shot while they all fawned over Ruth.

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Team Naomi’s look book

TEAM CHEYENNE WINS!  We all knew it was bound to happen, but yes, Team Naomi suffer’s only their second loss in the competition to date.

Naomi now has to put two of her girls up for elimination knowing only one will make it back alive.  She calls it a ‘consequence’ for them loosing before choosing Brittaney and her mortal enemy Chantal  to go up for elimination – but not before they put on their red lipstick and umm….Naomi…umm….crying over her decision.

Crocodile tears from Naomi?
Crocodile tears from Naomi?

She actually seems genuinely upset about having to put Britt and Chantal up, it’s slightly unnerving seeing Naomi in such a state.

Elimination Time.  Chantal continues to prove why shes so damn unlikable by basically saying “We’ve been friends for years but in here….she could be drowning and I wouldn’t save her if it means I win”

Chantal and Britt both put forward their cases as to why they should stay.  Chantal is here to win and not walk away a loser while Brittaney just lays down some (unintentional) smackdown..

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Not impressed with Britt’s use of the word Angelic, Chantal decides to rebut with the following garbage “I feel shes completely wrong.  I think I am versatile, I however do not think Brittaney is versatile, she has editorial looks I do not see commercial in her.  I can do editorial, commercial, I can do it all.  Each time we’ve lost, Brittaney has been the one down here, I have been strong the entire competition so I think it’s fair that I do stay over Brittaney”

You done yet?
You done yet?

So Cheyenne decides to keep the strongest girl in the competition…I kind of applaud her for not stooping to Naomi’s level in the elimination room and just getting rid of anyone remotely connected to Team Nicole, but…you know…Cheyenne…you’re sending my Britt home!

Talk about me being conflicted with my feelings on this.

Ok, I’m not conflicted.  I was more….

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This is where the ep ends for me as Britt has to go home.  I’ve chosen not to write about the drivel that was Naomi in her black lace veil ‘mourning’ with the rest of Team Naomi over losing one of her girls.

THE END!

Oh yeah…. here’s Team Anthobuzz’s team card right now…

CRAP
CRAP

The Face Australia Episode 5 Recap

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If there’s anything that can describe how I felt by the end of this episode…this would be it

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But before I became all ragey and sprouting hot tears, we have to go back to the start of the episode.  Poor Anoushka is the sole surviving member of Team Nicole after Naomi sent Melise packing last week.

Team Cheyenne are feeling sorry for Noush, knowing that she has a lot of pressure on her to do well and avoid ending up in the elimination room.  They offer comfort to Noush before they all groan about how bad Team Naomi’s campaign photo was last week.

Team Naomi on the other hand are living it up playground style with group hand slaps and waves and cheering after still managing to keep every member of their team.  Sarah is happy her team is still together but you know…they’d be better off if Brittaney were to be booted off.

Test Shoot time!  This time, it’s all about the catwalk and more specifically, how quickly the girls can change backstage and head back onto the runway which, according to Chantal, backstage. there’s usually bras and knickers, hair and hairspray flying around (which is my usual Friday night).

The Queen of the Catwalk – Naomi Campbell is on hand for this test shoot and she brings with her, her friend (yes Naomi has a friend) fashion designer Gail Elliot.  They talk about how important it is to be on spot when doing catwalk and how time spent backstage changing outfits is one of the most important things in life.

In a perfect world, this would be how all girls change outfits
In a perfect world, this would be how all girls change outfits on the catwalk.

So Naomi is going to show us quickly she can do it right?

No?

She’s going to show us how to walk – even though the challenge is how quickly the girls can change backstage….The girls put on their best “oooooooh” faces as Naomi walks down the catwalk ‘lightly on her feet’…cue claps and cheers and time for the models to battle it out.

Who did well?  Short list this time.  Having only two minutes to complete the challenge, only two girls managed to strip, change and walk the walk within the allotted time.  Yaya does it in 1 Minute 25 seconds though there was an awkward end of catwalk moment where no one really knew what was going on…had she finished, had she not…

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Ruth is also the only girl to make the cut but missed Yaya’s time by 10 seconds.

Who did Bad?  Poor Anoushka…she managed to set a record…for the longest time backstage – 2:51 seconds (I think she was doing crunches back stage), Brittaney (who hit a time of 2:01 seconds mind you) still found herself being called out by Naomi (once again) for looking down while walking and generally, everyone managed to complete the challenge in around the 2:14 second mark.

Yaya wins the challenge (almost be default) then there’s industrial type shots of the pipes and worn bricks outside before we head back inside for the Campaign Challenge.

George lulls the girls into a false sense on wonderment letting them all know they’ll be doing a catwalk show (in front of 200 VIP’s) at the Sydney Opera House for red carpet and bridal designer Steven Khalil…and after screaming and clapping and Ruth’s agape mouth, he tells the girls that the catwalk includes walking down 50 stairs.

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clearly this is before finding out about the whole 50 stairs thing

The dresses are stunning and the girls all rightfully so fawn all over them.  Naomi pops into check on her team and makes it be known that YOU CANNOT TOUCH YOUR DRESS NO MATTER WHAT!

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Noush is noticing how much material is included with hers…and when doing the maths…she’s not that tall, big dress, lots of layers plus 50 stairs and she’s starts to have some rather nasty visions..

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Team Cheyenne give us screams and A LOT of ‘Oh my gawds” and Cheyenne tells the girls “strong face” but we all know that Olivia and her NSFW face is waiting to pop out.

It’s practice time and Naomi, not satisfied with Brittaney’s survival last week, decides to attack once again.  “I’m very upset” “Watch Sarah” “What’s with the shoulders?” “Brittaney that walk is not even a runway walk, it’s diabolical” “Oh Lord have mercy!” “We’re losing this one” “drink this cup of bleach”….etc etc

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Naomi is not happy with Brittaney?

We’re now at the SYDNEY OPERA HOUSE! and the girls continue with practicing their down-50-stairs-with-a-sheet-dress walk.  Naomi, who is still concerned with Brittaney asks how her practice is coming along.  Sarah responds by throwing Brittaney under a bus “she’s tripped a couple of times…” Sarah might as well have been driving that bus.

Cheyenne (and that dress with the boobs…lordy lordy lordy) goes through a few practice walks with her girls “you can even have a bit of a bounce” (are straight guys watching this show?) and if you look carefully, you will have seen Brittaney make a break from the Mean Girls team and quietly merge into Team Cheyenne’s calm and playful practice session.

THAT dress is back!
THAT dress is back!

Time for the catwalk.  Team Naomi is up first and Naomi points out “I’m with them every step they take” – well, except for Brittaney.

*Chantal is regal and beautiful (blergh) and finishes up with the classic Angelina at the 2012 Oscars leg out pose..

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I could say mean things about Chantal here…..

*Ruth walks down those steps very…..very….s l o w l y.  Is she going to fall?

No.

But she probably wished she did because shock horror….SHE PICKED UP HER DRESS!

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RUTH…you’re dead to Naomi now.

Mind you, while the girls are walking, we all get to learn that Naomi has amazing ventriloquist skills.  The amount of talking with immobile lips could see her easily take it up as a second career option.

*Sarah, of course Sarah was her usual amazing self.

*Brittaney…well my my my.  It’s amazing she wasn’t found hiding in a corner, curled up in the fetal positing crying about not wanting to deal with Naomi anymore.  Instead, girl sashays down that catwalk like she’s been doing it for 20 years and looks brillopads while doing it!  (yay!)

Team Cheyenne is up next with YaYa up first.

*YaYa looks amazing and confident and…what that?  She’s stopped?  Why she stopped for?  Why is she kicking her dress?

Her foot is caught in her dress.  My god, with all that dress touching and kicking, could you imagine if she had been on Team Naomi?

After one last good kick (and a failed attempt by Cheynne to remove the dress from the shoe) YaYa manages to finish off her walk nicely.

*Nikolina – Flawless

*Olivia – You knew it was going to happen….her NSFW face was out in full bloom, those lips were parted like Noah did the red sea…if only Cheyenne had managed to get that glue earlier….

Team Nicole is up last.  Our single and solely Noush in her big girl gown!

*Anoushka looked like Bambi learning to walk.  The dress was hitched up, there was a lean, there was fear in her eyes…girl was on a mission to “get out of that dress”.

Judging time….Well clearly Steven Khalil has great taste as Brittaney was one of his favorites (go Britt!).  He wasn’t a fan of YaYa or Olivia but liked Nikolina and he thought Noush was stunning but SHE TOUCHED HER DRESS.

So Team Naomi wins (again)

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Nicole’s posture says it all…

Noush is automatically up for elimination while we see Cheyenne start to play the game by putting up YaYa – her strongest girl – for elimination.  She makes up some bull  to attempt to justify to her team why YaYa is up instead of NSFW Olivia.

Judging Time.  Naomi plays it cool, pretending she’s still unsure about who she’s sending home.  She goes through the motions of finding out who wants it more, who’s got more drive but we all know Naomi is out to crush Team Nicole and that she does.

Noush is gone.

Love-and-Other-Drugs

Now, in these types of shows, it’s usually the models who fight between themselves..but clearly, this is unlike any other model competition show.

Team Naomi are wishing for Noush’s triumphant return.  Apparently they have completely missed the whole Naomi vs Nicole saga that’s been raging on for the past few weeks.

When YaYa enters victorious, Brittaney says what we were all thinking “Like seriously, what the fuck?”  Cheyenne quickly skips up to Naomi thanking her for saving YaYa before Naomi, who’s now on her high horse, explains (falsely) why she send Noush packing.

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Nicole’s still hoping that looks will kill

Nicole sits and takes it all in, knowing she no longer has a team thanks to (mostly Naomi) and we’re all sitting and watching screaming at the TV for Nicole to stand up and say “What the fuck Naomi?!”…and then she does!

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Keeping it classy, Nicole chooses her words wisely “Naomi, the way I feel about this, is i don’t agree with your decision – ” before Naomi cuts in, spews up about being an editor for a magazine – in Russia and in Germany – and that Noush would never be picked up by IMG in America.

Basically it’s all lies and Naomi just wanted to crush Nicole.

Then the two (or mainly Naomi) get into it (with Cheyenne even pushing Nicole into the pit of poison) over the decision before out of no where, Naomi spits out –

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So while Naomi is shoving her own head up her own ass about how amazing she is and how much above she is over Nicole, Cheynne sits and watches….

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And it’s here Nicole points out what this show is actually about… “It’s not about me, it’s not about you, this is about the girls.  This competition is about the girls”.

Bout time somebody told Naomi.

She’s still not listening though, as she’s still on her rant.  Always the lady, Nicole stands up, wishes the girls in the competition the best of luck” and walks out while Naomi continues on about how her decision was not based on bias.

Get your hand off it Naomi.

Next Week:  Damaged ankles, an unflattering dress and sunglasses no one would ever wear!

Oh, and how’s Team Anthobuzz going?

Goooooo Brittaney!

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Not so good…..At least Brittaney is still here!

The Face Australia Episode 4 Recap

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Melise opts for the ‘Oopsie Matrix’ pose. Source: Provided

Episode Four….man I yelled at the TV during this one!  This show, or Naomi mainly, is evoking some rather deeply hidden paternal feelings for Nicole Trunfio.  I just want to scoop her up, brush her hair and feed her grapes while telling her “it will all be ok”.

As per the norm, we start off by checking in with each of the teams and see how they are coping with high demands and stress of being on The Face Australia.  Brittaney is determined to rise from the ashes of last weeks dismal effort and while I applaud her new fervour, her team mates however are calling this new vim her way of being a bitch with too much ‘tude.  They still can’t understand why her interaction with them has been on the down-low..you know..ever since they all nominated her to go up for elimination…in front of Naomi Campbell.

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Things are brighter over at Team Cheyenne.  They’re still riding high after last weeks win and have noticed a rift between the girls in Team Naomi.  Same applies for Melise and Anoushka, the only surviving members of Team Nicole, who are hoping the girls continue to fall apart.

Test Shoot Challenge: Modelling and movement while wearing     G-Star clothing and jumping on a trampoline.  Puh-lease.  I could do all kinds of things on a trampoline while wearing two towels as a cape and battling the evil lord, then known as my dog Timmy.

Nicole Trunfio takes centre to show the girls how it’s done by basically showing up anything any of these girls could ever hope to achieve on the trampoline.  So poised and in control, you could have thrown her a wheel of brie and a packet of crackers and she’d be able to serve up a perfectly set plate while bouncing up and down.

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Nicole with Cheese and crackers = flawless
Nicole with Cheese and crackers = flawless

Now it was time for the girls to ‘launch their own perfect pose’ in just 90 seconds with the winner to earn themselves a $1000 G-Star gift voucher.

Who did well?  Anoushka,  Ruth and Brittaney all came out trumps with some impressive photos.  Brittaney finally FINALLY came through and showed them all just how amazing she can be,

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Who looked like a wet cat on a bouncy ball?  Melise, YaYa and shock horror – Sarah!  Yeah, Sarah…Sarah….she was left, she was right, she was up then down, she made Georges very nervous and me more confident in my own tampolining skills.

Image8So Ruth wins the challenge while a little piece of Sarah’s winning light slowly fades away.

Team meeting time for Team Naomi to sort out the issues of Brittaney’s isolation from the team.  Chantal calls out Brittaney’s new found confidence as being strong with attitude unlike Ruth who is strong with no attitude while I call out Chantal for having strength with a massive hit of bitch.  Then in a scene reminiscent of Voltron, the girls merge together forming one gigantic monster that then proceeds to pummel Brittaney until she cries.

Once the tears dry up and Chantal stands out as the most unlikeable of the group, the monster is disassembled and there’s hugs all-round….for now.

Campaign Shoot: Mixing sport and fashion for stylerunner.com.  The brief is stylish and edgy with confidence while wearing high end sports wear.

The teams split off to practice poses before their mentors pop out and make them all do something completely different.  Team Naomi are being ‘active with javelins’, Team Nicole are ‘jumping with a relay baton’ while Olivia from Team Cheyenne is wondering just which end do you throw first of the javelin.

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Our mentors arrive and Naomi is gloating about still having all four girls while moaning about how difficult it is still having all four girls to watch over.  As punishment for all still being in Team Naomi, she makes her girls run laps – or as Sarah saw it, run 50 metres, stop and pose.

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Cheyenne arrives looking gorgeous in a pair of athletics track appropriate thigh high boots…

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Cathy Freeman would not approve…

She get’s her girls to loosen up by making them all do star jumps and then clashes with Nikolina who feels uncomfortable with Cheyenne’s posing directions.

Nicole pushes her two remaining girls in a different direction, throwing out any form of exercise or athleticism in favour of a French Vogue type shoot telling Melise and Anoushka that “they’re models and not athletes”…you know…in case they forgot.

Team Naomi go for their shoot and Brittaney is promptly singled out by Naomi….”Shoulder down Brittaney, shoulder down” “Look at the camera Brittaney” “Brittaney i’m getting nothing from you” “Strength in your body Brittaney” “Bend back Brittany, bend back” “Here’s a blade Brittaney, use it on your wrists Brittaney”…

Team Cheyenne go with movement – head lifts, leg lifts and and jumps while Olivia’s Zoo Magazine Centrefold face becomes an issue for Cheyenne.

Team Nicole are looking hot and chilled while Anoushka’s abs come out to point and laugh at me sitting here eating half a block of cookies and cream chocolate.

Holy Anoushka abs!
Holy Anoushka abs!

So who won?  After learning the fate of Max Factors Liz Kelsh who chose Team Cheyenne last week, Stylerunner.com opts for Team Naomi for the win.  Even though the clients fawn and praise all over Team Nicole’s photo, they know better than to choose against Naomi Campbell.

Team Naomi AGAIN?!
Team Naomi AGAIN?!

The Elimination:  Cheyenne wisely chooses to put Olivia Sex Face into elimination over YaYa.  I would have made the same decision.  There’s a time and place for that face and it’s usually hidden behind a NSFW link.  Nicole has a tougher time, and decides her ‘trump card’ Melise should be the one to face elimination.

In the words of Naomi Campbell “Melise is a beautiful girl and one hell of a model, she just needs to be mentored in the correct way” So Olivia is going home right?

RIGHT?

RIGHT?!

Unfortunately, Melise comes from Team Nicole – Naomi’s arch enemy, and this is where Naomi Campbell puts into place her plans for domination and SENDS MELISE HOME OVER OLIVIA.

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Cue my hot angry tears and me screaming at Naomi through the television.

I feel your pain Nicole
I feel your pain Nicole

Next Week:  Models walk in stunning floor length gowns DOWN 50 STAIRS in front of people and a showdown between Naomi and Nicole that’s been building for several weeks!

If looks could kill...or at least scar a face...
If looks could kill…or at least scar a face…

The Face Australia Episode 2 Recap

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Photos from the models test shoot

Tuesday night’s episode of The Face Australia (episode two) amped everything up a notch from last week’s premiere bringing with it tears, tantrums, two photo shoots and our first elimination from the competition.

Mentor Naomi Campbell was in fine form setting the girls up for a lesson in posing with an object by showing the girls how it’s done in an oversized and somewhat blinding Phillip Treacy hat which could also double for a skateboarding ramp…

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Hat or skateboard ramp?

Then to see how much the girls learnt from watching Naomi, they then found themselves posing with necklaces, apples, headphone, cupcakes and other assorted objects in a test shoot that resulted in Naomi demanding to see more energy from the girls with these photos.

Some girls did ok…Natalie and her apple, Nikolina and her headphones, Olivia and her porn pose inducing sunglasses, then comes along Anoushka who showed us how versatile bangles can be (as jewellery AND eye pieces) followed by Sarah and a telephone…minus her shoes much to Naomi’s displeasure.

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Ok Anoushka did a lot more than this…

Cue Sarah earning the wrath of Naomi as you NEVER EVER TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF for a photoshoot!

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Naomi’s happy face….

There were short model mentor sessions (with added notepads and pencils) and before we knew it, we were at challenge number two for this week.  A group shot for Marie Claire magazine with each teams mentor coaching the girls through the shoot.

Not to sugar coat anything here, but this is the stuff we all come to watch because this is where the magic starts to appear and we get a very crystal clear glimpse into the mentoring styles of each of these models. Nicole Trunfio offers quiet confidence and criticism while the shoot happens, casually guiding her girls to get the right shot.  Cheyenne Tozzi is a little more vocal, but offers an air of respect towards her team.  Naomi Campbell….well…..

There’s tough love and then there’s tough love Naomi Campbell style.  To put things into perspective, she managed to put one of her girls (Brittaney) in tears even before any make-up was applied.  I think Cheyenne nailed it when describing Naomi’s team of models as “Yes Ma’am and No Ma’am” robots and Cheyenne isn’t the only one sensing fear in Naomi’s team.

Good ole’ Jackie Frank, she of Marie Claire magazine, comes along to pick the winning team resulting in a win for team Naomi (I’m so shocked) leaving Cheyenne and Nicole to pick the weakest link in their team to go into elimination.

I’m not the biggest fan of the eliminations and how it’s decided.  As both Cheyenne and Nicole had to put up a girl for elimination, it meant Naomi then gets to choose which girl is eliminated from the competition…based on who makes her believe they want it more.  Yep…to stay in this competition you need to 1 – avoid being the weakest link in a losing team and 2 – have good pleading skills.

The winner of the night: Cheyenne Tozzi’s boobs.  Seriously, LOOK AT THEM.

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LOOK AT THEM

The perfect dress to even make me ignore the teacup on the head pose.

The Loser of the night: Natalie from Team Cheyenne.  I think had she used a make believe child to “do this for” she might have had a chance in persuading Naomi to keep her in.  Good on Cheyenne though for that awesome confrontation with Naomi about her reasons in kicking Natalie out.

My Scorecard – 3 for 4.  Brittaney, Sarah and Anoushka still in, Tess didn’t even make it past eliminations in episode one.  Brittaney cried, Sarah got Naomi angry and Anoushka steamrolled everyone in her group photo…think my team might be on shaky ground!

Next week: Tears, tantrums and another photo shoot!

Winners and Losers: Vodka Shots and Sexy Selfies

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Jen learns dating younger men can be more trouble than it’s worth

Starting an episode of Winners and Losers off with vodka shots can only lead to good things like icky sexual tension between Flynn (Tom Hobbs) and Sam (Katherine Hicks), a badly dressed random (Savers shopper anyone?) playing sexy eyes at Sophie (Melanie Vellejo) and Jen (Melissa Bergland) happily expressing just how much sex she’s having with her man-child fling.

So what happened to our favorite winners last night?

Frances/Zach/Jasmine/Jonathan: Frances (Virginia Gay) is beginning to find herself on the wrong end of a rather cranky Zach (Stephen Phillips).  Either Zach is on a rager of a heavy flow or his mood swings resulting from his stroke are really starting to kick in. Jonathan (Damien Bodie) finally tells Frances that back in the hospital, Zach went (for the better use of the word)  mental while Jonathan was throwing purses out of his mouth.  it’s here Jonathan comes up with the bright plan to include someone else into this really bad mix of injuries and mental anguish.

Frances decides to rope Doug (Tom Wren) into trying to get Zach to open up about his feelings post stroke, but he does so using beer and the offer of being his best man at his wedding.  Personally, I’d have brought a wheel of Brie and Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion on DVD to watch but each to their own….

There’s talk of a bucks night (no shaving cream or nudity please) which quickly turns into Doug asking if Zach can use a keyboard. This of course brings on Zach’s Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde persona resulting in Zach taking a fall and yeah….there was wee.

cue awkward pause

There was another cap to be used from this scene...but...you know...wee.
There was another cap to be used from this scene…but…you know…wee.

Zach finally explodes, literally blaming Frances for everything that’s happened to him.  Granted, Frances was the one who brought Shannon into the fold, but last time I checked, Shannon was the one stuffing an unconscious Zach into the boot of his car….case of misguided anger I’m guessing.

This anger continues on including an uncalled for verbal spray at Jasmine (PiaGrace Moon) before Frances and Zach have a decent heart to heart but we all can tell that Frances wants to get the heck out of there and go drinking with her friends.  Who’d blame her?

Flynn/Sophie/Sam:  Flynn and Sam have decided that to avoid the weird tension hanging thick in the air between them, they decide to go back to being friends – but the kind that eye each other off and get jealous when the other shows interest in someone else.  I would say to them “just get a room already” but..they’ve been there, done that.

Random shirt and tie guy tried his luck with Sophie, he’s got a cracker of a pick up line, “Excuse me, you wouldn’t happen to have any raisins?  No?  How about a date?”  How did she not throw him down on that table right then and there?

Minus the bad pick-up lines, surely this shirt nabs all the ladies...
Minus the bad pick-up lines, surely this shirt nabs all the ladies…

The two people struggling with their own romantic issues with each other (Flynn and Sam), offer sad and single Sophie some dating advice which was basically them calling her a frosty bitch who glares at everyone around her.  To prove she’s not a frosty bitch, Sophie decides to break out the iPad and download Tinder.  Well Winners and Losers version of Tinder.  This version allows her to list ten attributes she wants in a guy to which, after an hour of thinking, she only come up with two.   “Not ugly” and “Not stupid”.  I guess while she may be a frosty bitch, one could never claim Sophie to be a picky bitch….

So it’s been hours and Soph is still trawling the internet for men, Sam can’t decide what to have for dinner and Flynn wants to go out to a nice bar with some decent food and find some hot guys….ummm Flynn, I have a stocked wine rack, can cook a mean roast and well…I ain’t ugly looking….

Turns out, Flynn was talking about hot guys for Sophie.  Bugger. Sam takes this as an opportunity to get her girls out and pick out rather greasy looking guys for Soph to smile at.  Let’s face it, Sam is from the bush and has turned down Flynn…I don’t think she’s the best choice for boyfriend picking….

Sam and her girls go out for the night
Sam and her girls go out for the night

The night out turns a bit disastrous when the male version of Kelly from My Kitchen Rules begins hitting on Sam and her girls talking about his worldly travels to exotic locations.  Flynn is being attacked by a group of horny women on a hens night and Sophie picks up a DJ.  Yes, a DJ.  I wonder where bad pick-up line guy is….

Anyways, Sam and Flynn decide they can’t be friends without all the tension and decide avoiding each other is the wisest decision.  I guess getting all that inner rage out with a round of bed hopping is out of the question.

Bec/Ryan (Psych Doc guy):  Oh there’s Bec (Zoe Tuckwell-Smith), I think she was at the bar in the beginning…anyways she’s talking to Jasmine (PiaGrace Moon) about the school councilor who was made part-time.  With Dieter Brummer off riding his motorcycle and dolling out spliffs, she needs a project to keep her occupied and this sounds like the perfect distraction.

Bec doesn't know what auto-save is....
Bec doesn’t know what auto-save is….

I do keep forgetting about Bec lately.  She doesn’t have much going on right now, well except flirting with Ryan her ex psychologist and making lasagna and now this school counselor issue..oh and a baby that spends a lot of time on the floor….anyways, she’s decided, with the help of Ryan, to sort this school counselor issue out which includes some rather intense eye undressing (on Ryan’s behalf) and Bec realizing she has NO IDEA WHAT AUTO-SAVE IS!

Jen/Man-Child/Gross Family Members:  Jen and man-child are trying to find a place to have lie down kisses.  His place is no good and Jen has had enough of the back seat of the car (saucy minx) so to her bedroom (in her parents house) they go!

This causes all kinds of awkwardness at the ‘Haus of Gross’ the following morning as Jen (negligee and all) introduces her topless man-child to the Gross clan.  Her sister Bridget (Sarah Grace) eyes him off, mum Trish (Denise Scott) offers to cook him breakfast, Dad Brian (Francis Greenslade) basically asks “are you adult cuddle friends?” and brother Patrick (Jack Pearson) offers up the most normal reaction of “ewwww you’re my sister, you’re not supposed to be doing that”.

Off to the beach they go (does Jen work?) where she’s taken a sexy selfie in the change room…probably not the best of locations to take one, I hear there’s bad lighting in those rooms….man-child talks a lot about Jen meeting his parents and how cool it’s going to be and skateboards and playstation and OMGs.  

She’s starting to realize (not that he’s a child) that he’s wanting more out of this than she wants and makes the utterly heartbreaking decision to dump his man-child ass.  Of course this doesn’t sit well with the child who promptly sends out her sexy selfie to the entire internet.

Talk about your worst nightmare coming true!  Though snaps to Jen for having a crack at telling man-child to delete the image and everyone he sent it to.  I wonder if she realizes that age old saying “Once it hits the net, it’s out there forever!”

Winners and Losers airs Tuesday nights, Channel 7 at 8:30pm(ish)

From the Farm to the Plate: An MKR Recap

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NSW’s Cathy and Anna proved worthy contestants

To put it out there, the only way David and Corinne could manage to scrape through into the next round would be for Cathy and Anna to either burn down the kitchen or offer a plate of salmonella.

They came close with the salmonella.

But, knowing these two as much as we have been able to, Cathy and Anna will not settle for anything less than perfection.  There’s the house set upon acres of green land and fabulous gardens in country NSW, there’s posh country style home decorating, there’s the first class menu perfect for the Country Manor (also the name of their instant restaurant) – it’s all very Hyacinth Bucket in Keeping up Appearences

Best Dish of the Night: When Kate Miller-Heidke look-a-like Carly spoke about agreeing with Kelly’s comments on the entree and calling her Chloe.  To be fair, both Kelly and Chloe are so interchangeable that it does become difficult to actually tell one from the other.  The resulting (and totally acceptable mishap) resulted in the following face…

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The Food Overall:  While not for me, Cathy and Anna proved themselves worthy of nabbing the top spot on the ladder.  The presentation was flawless, all meals came out on time and David was left to comment on how Cathy and Anna didn’t actually cook anything.  Entree of Seared scotch fillet with eggplant caviar was cooked so rare it looked like a cow on a plate to me.  It was rare and slightly lacking in seasoning.  Main consisted of even rarer lamb (possibly seething in Salmonella) loin with potato galette and desert (the one meal I would have devoured) featured home made apple pies.

This is how I saw the entree
This is how I saw the entree

 

The Final Result: Australia cheers with glee as David and Corinne go sailing off into the distance playing Enya’s Onrioco Flow “Sail away, sail away, sail away!”  To be fair, these two are the only couple who have managed to steal the bitch-light off Chloe and Kelly who managed to make round one all about themelves.

Up Next: All couples are reunited and are presented with a big red MKR truck!  But what’s in the truck?  According to my boyfriend, the truck is filled with monkeys all trained as Michelin Star chefs – it’s a cooking battle for control of the earth!